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Band 5

Many people around the world use social media evryeday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #world #media #evryeday #touch #news #events
In the digital era, it is argued that social
media
 brings advantages to
people
because
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because of
show examples
 the convenience
in
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of
show examples
 communicating and reading
news
. The writer believes that despite many benefits, drawbacks of social
media
 overshadow and
this
 essay aims to explain it. The most important positive effect of social
media
 is enhancing communication on the ground that it takes only seconds or minutes to send and receive a message. Compared to former centuries when letters frequently got lost, social
media
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 maintaining relationships
more easily
Wrong verb form
easier
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 thanks to video calls or messages.
Moreover
, social
media
 is a huge source of
news
 and
people
 can keep up with the latest information at anywhere and anytime.
For instance
, some newspaper
publisher
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publishers
show examples
 now
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 uploaded
news
 on Facebook pages or other online apps for readers to pursue.
On the contrary
, many
people
 debate that social
media
 is the main cause of an insular society and other social problems.
Due to
 the fact that everyone can become a writer on social
media
 sites, there is an increasing amount of fake
news
, so it is harder for
reader
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readers
show examples
authenticate
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to authenticate
show examples
 which are facts. A persuasive example is the fake
news
 about laws that manage the Internet in Vietnam makes some citizens
arose
Verb problem
rebel
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 against the
authority
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authorities
show examples
.
Additionally
, social
media
 is increasingly used for trading, leading to the reality that
people
 spend too much time on shopping and their hobbies. Despite memorable events of our relatives still can be seen and
people
 can comment or chat,
however
,
distraction
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a distraction
show examples
 from advertisements or
favorable
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favourable
show examples
 stars prevent them from contacting
with
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apply
show examples
relationships. In brief, the increasing tendency
of using
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to use
show examples
 social
media
 brings more disadvantages than advantages. In spite of
improvement
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improvements
show examples
 in communication and the public’s
awereness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 of
news
, it is evident that
human
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humans
show examples
 cannot rely too much on
this
 technology as it causes many
misunderstanding
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misunderstandings
show examples
 and social issues.
Submitted by zky1705202 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on the variety and accuracy of your sentence structures to enhance coherence. Integrating a wider range of complex sentence forms can help convey your ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear distinction between your paragraphs. Use topic sentences effectively to signal the main idea of each paragraph, and cohesive devices to link your ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
Expand on your examples by elaborating on how they specifically support your arguments. This will strengthen your task achievement by providing clearer, more comprehensive evidence.
task achievement
Pay attention to spelling and grammar to improve the overall quality and professionalism of your essay. Even small errors can distract from your argument and reduce clarity.
task achievement
Your conclusion should summarise the key points made throughout the essay more distinctly and clearly. Make sure it reflects the complexity of the argument you’ve built up in your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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