It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with the contributions of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by your society?

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Having public figures in a
community
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is an advantage because they influence progressive developments ranging from
prommoting
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promoting

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businesses, attracting investments and encouraging youths to follow their dreams.
However
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in
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay,
Capitalize word
I

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i
Capitalize word
I

The word i should be capitalized in this context.

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will give a detailed comparison between
artists
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and
scientists
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

' contributions to our society. On the one hand,
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists

It seems that artist may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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are very
influencial
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influential

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when it comes to changing people's lives. They have a unique way to convince the youth to follow their dreams. To elaborate, many youths in my
community
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idolise the popular musicians. They envy the lifestyle and and success these icons are enjoying,
therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

we have seen these
artist
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artists

It seems that artist may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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coming back to the
grass roots
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grassroots

The word grass roots seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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to support these kids.
Firstly
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by giving them hope and speaking life in them
as well as
Linking Words

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facilitating scholarships for the less privileged students.
Secondly
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, by carrying out
campains
Correct your spelling
campaigns

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to eradicate the drug abuse pandemic in the neighbourhood.
This
Linking Words

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is quite a
plausable
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plausible

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act by the
artists
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to bring sanity to the streets of Nakamo.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

scientists
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

whose contribution is
also
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worth our recognition. They do a lot to promote
a
Correct article usage
apply

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healthy living in the
community
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
For instance
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, the medical
scientists
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in our
community
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held a
campain
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campaign

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against chorela, teaching people about hygiene. They have
also
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started a trust fund to increase medical
facilies
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facilities

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in our
surbab
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urban
suburb

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. In conclusion, both
artists
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and
scientists
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are doing great jobs to
i9mprove
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improve

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the standards of living for our population.
Linking Words
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase However. Consider adding a comma.

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more appreciation goes to the
artists
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

as they seem to be doing more than their counterparts.

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Task Achievement
Ensure an engaging and well-defined introduction that clearly presents the essay's aim. Try to make the purpose of your essay clear from the beginning to engage your reader and set a clear direction.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas more fully by expanding on how artists and scientists contribute to society. Include more specific examples and evidence to support your comparisons and conclusions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single idea. Use topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph and subsequent sentences to elaborate and provide examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of your essay by using transitional words and phrases more effectively. This will help guide readers through your arguments and improve the overall readability of your text.
Task Achievement
Avoid generalizations and aim for specific instances or studies that showcase the impact of artists and scientists. This specificity will make your argument more compelling and grounded in reality.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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