It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with the contributions of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by your society?

#society #work #members #contributions #artists #scientists #type #contribution

Having public figures in a

community

is an advantage because they influence progressive developments ranging from

prommoting

Correct your spelling

promoting

businesses, attracting investments and encouraging youths to follow their dreams.

However

this

essay,

Capitalize word

show examples

Capitalize word

show examples

will give a detailed comparison between

artists

and

scientists

' contributions to our society. On the one hand,

artist

Fix the agreement mistake

artists

show examples

are very

influencial

Correct your spelling

influential

when it comes to changing people's lives. They have a unique way to convince the youth to follow their dreams. To elaborate, many youths in my

community

idolise the popular musicians. They envy the lifestyle and and success these icons are enjoying,

therefore

we have seen these

artist

Fix the agreement mistake

artists

show examples

coming back to the

grass roots

Correct your spelling

grassroots

show examples

to support these kids.

Firstly

by giving them hope and speaking life in them

as well as

facilitating scholarships for the less privileged students.

Secondly

, by carrying out

campains

Correct your spelling

campaigns

to eradicate the drug abuse pandemic in the neighbourhood.

This

is quite a

plausable

Correct your spelling

plausible

act by the

artists

to bring sanity to the streets of Nakamo.

On the other hand

, there are

also

scientists

whose contribution is

also

worth our recognition. They do a lot to promote

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

healthy living in the

community

For instance

, the medical

scientists

in our

community

held a

campain

Correct your spelling

campaign

against chorela, teaching people about hygiene. They have

also

started a trust fund to increase medical

facilies

Correct your spelling

facilities

in our

surbab

Correct your spelling

urban

suburb

. In conclusion, both

artists

and

scientists

are doing great jobs to

i9mprove

Correct your spelling

improve

the standards of living for our population.

However

Add a comma

However,

show examples

more appreciation goes to the

artists

as they seem to be doing more than their counterparts.

Submitted by sisalt100 on Mon Mar 18 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement

Ensure an engaging and well-defined introduction that clearly presents the essay's aim. Try to make the purpose of your essay clear from the beginning to engage your reader and set a clear direction.

Task Achievement

Develop your ideas more fully by expanding on how artists and scientists contribute to society. Include more specific examples and evidence to support your comparisons and conclusions.

Coherence and Cohesion

Improve paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single idea. Use topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph and subsequent sentences to elaborate and provide examples.

Coherence and Cohesion

Enhance the logical flow of your essay by using transitional words and phrases more effectively. This will help guide readers through your arguments and improve the overall readability of your text.

Task Achievement

Avoid generalizations and aim for specific instances or studies that showcase the impact of artists and scientists. This specificity will make your argument more compelling and grounded in reality.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

256 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
You are living in a University residence, and you have a problem with the high levels of noise from a new campus restaurant which is open until midnight. Write a letter to the governor of the University. In your letter, • complain about the situation • say why this is a problem • and propose ways to reduce the noise
I am writing this to express my annoyance with the noise that comes from the new campus restaurant which stays open until midnight. I live right next to the restaurant and at times, it becomes troublesome because the restaurant is always crowded with students and the music they play is always loud, thus it gets very noisy.
6
band
Some people think that art is an essencial subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Nowadays,when our society is in the stage of rapid technological development, some people consider art as an useless lesson for children at school,while others support that it is important to have knowledge in this field. It is agreed, that children should be aware of different subjects and art is not an exception. This essay,firstly,will discuss why the idea of an uselessness of this field is common these days,followed by an analysis of abilities and values which these lessons have.
6
band
It is common for larger companies to require their staff to wear uniforms at all times. What are the benefits for a company of having a uniform? How can a uniform benefit the staff?
In this modern world, an official outfit is likely to be implemented in several institutions during their work hours. I believe this could be beneficial for both companies and their employers since it would encourage their role in terms of the economic and social aspects. This essay would provide advantages for those sides (organisations and workers).
4
band
In recent years, more and more people are choosing to read e-books rather than paper books. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
It has become a common practice amongst people to use electronic books than hard copies. This obviously has some benefits and downside to it. I will say it is more advantageous to use soft copy version of paper books.
<4
band
The gap between the rich and the is increasing. What problem does this cause? What solution can you suggest?
government will be under presessure

It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with the contributions of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by your society?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that art is an essencial subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

It is common for larger companies to require their staff to wear uniforms at all times. What are the benefits for a company of having a uniform? How can a uniform benefit the staff?

In recent years, more and more people are choosing to read e-books rather than paper books. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

The gap between the rich and the is increasing. What problem does this cause? What solution can you suggest?