IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some young people look forward to a year of travelling, a 'gap year', before they begin work or university and see it as a chance to broaden their horizons. For others, this is an expensive waste of time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #year #gap #work #university #chance #horizons #waste #time
People
 have different views about whether youngsters should experience travelling for a
year
 before going to the
work
 environment or starting university.
While
 some
people
 argue that
this
 is a great opportunity for young individuals to taste new things, others find it only a waste of
time
.
Although
 I have some sympathy with the latter view, I believe that a
gap
year
 could be highly rewarding in total. Having a
gap
year
 positively affects the students only the
year
 before their
work
 or study, often opening a window to their world. They would be able to build and develop new relationships and make new friends with different beliefs and thoughts.
Similarly
, they can use their new friends' experiences to choose the best option for their career or study.
For example
, for those who have studied science in high school, majors like psychology and art might be unfamiliar.
As a result
, spending
time
 with society members studying or those who graduated from different fields can make them meet their hidden interests buried deeply in their subconscious.
Moreover
, it will get more complicated and challenging to change your career as you get older. So, it is recommended to give it your best shot in your youth. For many
people
, students should begin to
work
 or continue their grades as soon as their university is finished because it is a waste of
time
 and money. It might seem that a
gap
year
 without earning money is detrimental, only spending money on a resort.
However
, gaining new experiences and,
therefore
, choosing the best option for future
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 would far compensate for
this
 period.
In addition
, some may spend part of their
time
 in resorts, but many do voluntary
work
 and widen their network, helping them pursue jobs that could fit their character and leading them to approach their dream jobs. In conclusion, the concerns of those individuals about the negatives of taking a trip as a
gap
year
 before
work
 are understandable, but ultimately, I side with
people
 who see
this
 as a merit and a huge chance.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. This involves having a strong introduction, well-developed body paragraphs, and a clear conclusion. In this essay, the structure is well-defined, but further emphasis on the logical flow between ideas could enhance readability and coherence.
Task Achievement
Include relevant specific examples to support your points. While the essay provides good general discussion on the benefits of a gap year, incorporating more detailed examples (e.g., personal anecdotes, statistical evidence) could strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
Task Achievement
Strive for clarity and precision in your ideas. While the essay presents clear arguments, ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and elaborates on it comprehensively enhances task achievement. Avoid overgeneralization by providing specific insights into how a gap year can benefit individuals in unique ways.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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