IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many youngsters do unpaid work to help their local community,which benefits both themselves and society.Some people believe that all teenagers should thus be required to do unpaid work in their free time. Do you agree or disagree?

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Many youths do voluntary
service
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 in their native places, which has a symbiotic type of benefits.
According to
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 some people,
this
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 should be made mandatory that all teens do unpaid jobs in their
leisure
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time
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.
This
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 short essay gives the reasons below, why
this
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 statement needs to be disagreed on. The very first reason for the statement to be unacceptable is, that teenagers do free
service
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 in their
leisure
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time
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, that they need
leisure
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time
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 to get recharged for their studies or
work
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. All the scientific studies prove that
leisure
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 is an utmost requisite for health and well-being.
For instance
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; doing unpaid
work
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 causes fatigue and can lead to stress-related issues for the individual and
thus
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 productivity of the individual could be reduced, which ,in turn, is a loss to the community and the individual. So, making unpaid
service
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 in free
time
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 a mandatory thing could be a stupid idea. Another thing is by letting adolescents do volunteer-ships, we are reducing
job
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 opportunities.
Such
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 practices can be misused by at least some people, which leads to abuse of these teens and a
job
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 placement for them could be spoilt.
For example
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, there are a lot of nurses who did unpaid effort in local hospitals for experience, who shared experiences of modern slavery and they had to migrate to other countries.
This
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 is a loss to the local community, as it invested a great deal to train them.
Hence
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, one can say that letting young people do unpaid
work
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 compulsorily is futile.
However
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, youths in their
leisure
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,who do free
service
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, gain experience in the industry. It can be considered as an add-on when they apply for a
job
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. The community
also
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 gets the
job
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 done without financial expenditure.
For example
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, many medical schools in the UK demand
such
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 performance for admission to the medical schools and for the assignments after the course.
Although
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this
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 is an advantage, one can still say that the idea of volunteering is not a good choice.
To conclude
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, it may be a viable option for adolescents must do unpaid
work
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 in their free
time
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, but it has many downfalls because of the above-mentioned reasons.
Leisure
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 is for recovery and needs to be fulfilled.

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What works well

3
logical structure

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the arguments presented.

task achievement

You provided relevant examples which help to illustrate your main points. This strengthens your argument and shows your ability to apply ideas in a practical context.

task achievement

Your writing demonstrates critical thinking and a clear understanding of the topic.

Improvement Suggestions

4
task achievement

Your essay provides a clear position on the topic and presents main points to support your argument. To enhance your score, it would be beneficial to provide a more balanced view by discussing some counter-arguments in a bit more detail.

coherence cohesion

Though your essay has a logical flow, transitioning between ideas could be smoother. Using more cohesive devices like ‘Moreover,’ ‘In contrast,’ etc., and ensuring each paragraph builds clearly on the previous one could help in achieving better cohesion.

grammar

There are minor grammatical errors and instances of awkward phrasing. Proofreading your essay for such issues and varying your sentence structure will improve readability and coherence.

task achievement

Ensure that each main point is clearly linked to the topic, and the connection between ideas is well-explained. Adding a few more examples can make your arguments more compelling.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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