IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

You and your family are moving to another country, and you are looking for rented accommodation there. Write a letter to a property agent. In your letter Explain when and why you are moving Give your preference for the location of the accommodation Describe the type of accommodation that you hope to find

#country #accommodation #property #agent #location #type #hope
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to ask for help with my relocation process and accommodation. Please allow me to elaborate on the situation in detail. My wife and I have obtained a student visa, and we are going to move to Australia in September 2024. We hear that Australian universities are fantastic.
Moreover
, we are deep into surfing, so we opted for the West Coast. We are looking for a calm neighbourhood far away from any bustling areas. Something with a park nearby would be great.
In addition
, we are not big fans of driving.
As a result
, we need some sort of a train or subway station in a stone's throw away to cover our needs. Speaking of an apartment, a 2-bedroom unit with a decent kitchen is our choice since I really like to cook something on the weekend. Thanks for your time and participation. Please get in touch with us for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
further
 details. I look forward to your reply. Yours faithfully, Vasilii Rasskazov
Submitted by 8453525 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Your letter is well-structured, and your ideas flow logically from one paragraph to the next, which greatly aids readability. To further improve, try using a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the cohesion between ideas.
Task Achievement
You have addressed all parts of the task effectively, giving clear details on your situation, preferences, and the type of accommodation you're looking for. To enhance your score even further, consider providing more specific reasons for your preferences or explaining how certain features of the accommodation would benefit your situation.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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