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Band 6

Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and news events. Do you think advantages of this technology outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #media #touch #news #events #technology
Social
media
 is used by
people
 to maintain connections with each other and learn about news.
Although
 social
media
 can be harmful for
people
, it is a resource of rapid information and a tool for communication with those, who are far away, outweighs the drawbacks.
To begin
 with, it is crucial to consider the potential drawbacks of social
media
. One significant concern is the impact on mental well-being. Extensive use of social
media
 has been linked to increased levels of anxiety, depression, and feelings of social isolation. The constant exposure to carefully curated highlights and reels of others' lives can lead to self-comparison and feelings of inadequacy. Privacy and security concerns are another set of drawbacks associated with social
media
. Users often share personal information and details of their lives, making them susceptible to privacy breaches and identity theft.
However
, there are a plethora of advantages of technology.
Firstly
,
people
 can share information in a short time period
as well as
 over long distances. To explain it more, in the modern era, if a person lives in a foreign country, family members o friends can talk with them through various apps
such
 as Facebook, Whatsapp, Instagram, and Gmail.
For instance
, 80% of students use applications for different futures like video calls, and voice
call
Fix the agreement mistake
calls
show examples
 because it is the cheapest way, or if they choose calling
then
 they want to pay a
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 amount of money for roaming.
As a result
, students can save a lot of money by doing that, and utilize it on monthly expenses. In conclusion,
although
 social networks have detrimental
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 on health, they provide news quickly and help to build up relationships.
Therefore
, I think that there are more advantages than disadvantages to
use
Change the verb form
using
show examples
 social
media
 for keeping in touch with
people
 and news of the world.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to develop your points more extensively by providing deeper analysis or more examples to support your arguments. This could involve discussing the implications or broader effects of the points you are making.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on the logical structure of your essay by ensuring a clear progression of ideas from one paragraph to the next. Each paragraph should ideally start with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
For a higher score, aim to further improve the introduction and conclusion. Your introduction could more precisely outline the points you will discuss, while your conclusion could more explicitly weigh the advantages and disadvantages discussed, offering a stronger final stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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