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Band 6.5

In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantage o owning a smartphone outweight the disadvantage?

#world #people #smartphone #advantage #outweight
Mobile
phones
 are increasingly essential for
people
's regular life so it is understandable that many citizens own a mobile phone.
This
 writer argues that the benefits of helping
people
 to connect to each other and
entertainment
 outweigh the drawbacks of addiction. The most beneficial factor of using a smartphone is residents can contact
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each other in just a few seconds. No matter how far they are from their loved ones, they can still be able to communicate and share their thoughts.
For example
, in 2020, citizens in many countries had to stay at home
due to
 the outbreak of Covid-19. With the help of digital devices like smartphones,
people
 can talk to their
friends
 and family, share their stories and comfort everyone going through the pandemic. One advantage of owning a mobile phone is
entertainment
. These devices can connect to the Internet and offer users a wide range of
entertainment
 including games, movies, comics and music.
This
 will help users relieve their stress and anxiety from their work and study.
For instance
, in the USA, teenagers tend to play games and watch movies with their
phones
.
This
 helps them relax and comfort themselves, especially when they do not have
friends
 or their parents are not home.
However
, some
people
 say addiction is the biggest disadvantage of mobile
phones
. Children and teenagers spend hours using their
phones
, refuse to go outside their houses and neglect their schoolwork.
This
 may be true, but by starting a new hobby and helping them connect with their
friends
, they will eventually quit playing games and hang out with their
friends
 more.
Furthermore
, mobile
phones
 can help children learn better by accessing online textbooks and resources. In conclusion, the possible impact of children being addicted to their
phones
 is outweighed by
entertainment
 and the ability to connect
people
Change preposition
with people
show examples
.
Hence
, smartphones can help learners improve their performance through online resources.

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on creating clear and distinct paragraphs that each contain a central idea and are logically connected. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
For task achievement, it is imperative to fully address all parts of the prompt to achieve a higher score. Expand on your ideas with more detailed explanations and develop your arguments with a wider variety of relevant examples. Your response should showcase depth and complexity in idea development to meet the task requirements comprehensively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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