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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? All of his works are clearly depicted down to the smallest muscles.

#people #world #media #touch #news #events #works #muscles
In today's digital era, most
people
 tend to access the networking platforms to contact with the others and follow the new circumstances of
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
. In my perspective, the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 of convenience and saving time and energy outweigh the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
 of
health
 problems. First and foremost, the most sought-after advantage is convenience.
In other words
,
having used
Wrong verb form
by using
show examples
 social
media
,
people
 can keep in touch with other
people
 and get news events everywhere. Take Google on
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 as a primary example, which
people
 are free to access and utilize many useful
website
Change to a plural noun
websites
show examples
.
Thus
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
networking platforms are good means of communication. Another point that
worth
Add a missing verb
is worth
show examples
 consideration is saving time and energy. To explain, when
people
 get
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
busy, they still use social
media
 to contact
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
everyone.
For example
, when someone is washing, the phone
ring
Fix the agreement mistake
rings
show examples
,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 can hang up. Turning toward the disadvantage of using social
media
 is
health
 problems. It can be denied that if you stay in front of the screen of technological tools, your
health
 can easily
become
Verb problem
get
show examples
worsen
Replace the word
worse
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.
It's
Unnecessary verb
It
show examples
 is true in Vietnam, where teenagers are getting more
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
such
 as obesity, eye
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 and
headache
Fix the agreement mistake
headaches
show examples
.
Therefore
, using social
media
 still can cause many issues to
health
. Taking everything into account,
this
 essay offers more upsides than
downside
Fix the agreement mistake
downsides
show examples
.
The convenience
Correct article usage
Convenience
show examples
 and saving time and energy
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the main
key
Fix the agreement mistake
keys
show examples
overshadow
Fix the infinitive
to overshadow
show examples
 the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
 of
health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
Hence
, using social
media
still
Add a missing verb
is still
show examples
 a good way to
conatct
Correct your spelling
contact
connect
 with everyone and get news events.
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Task Achievement
To enhance your score, ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the task. Clearly state your viewpoint and develop it with specific arguments throughout your essay.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. This will not only make your essay more convincing but also demonstrate your ability to discuss ideas in depth.
Coherence & Cohesion
For better coherence, work on your essay's flow. Transition phrases can help guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next. Also, ensure each paragraph is focused on a single main idea.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear and summarise your main points effectively. This will help readers understand your stance and the structure of your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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