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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The use of social media such as Facebook or Twitter is replacing face-to-face contact this century. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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In
this
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 contemporary era of globalization, technological advancements have undergone a major transformation. The utilization of social platforms,
such
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 as Facebook and Twitter is eliminating face-to-face communication in
this
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 epoch. From my point of view, I believe the benefits overshadowed the drawbacks. On the one hand, the foremost advantage of online texting is the ability to know individuals from distinct nations.
This
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 privilege gave
people
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 the capability to assist
people
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 to talk with their peers, lovers, and family members at any time.
Moreover
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, it can make individuals know more cultures without travelling overseas. A lot of community servers, chatboxes, and apps can provide these amenities to know and text diverse persons.
For instance
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, the Dardesh application is well-known for making
people
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 learn languages with unknown
people
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 around the world.
This
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 assisted the students to learn without losing their self-esteem or being shy.
On the other hand
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, a lot of websites make
people
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 autistic. These sites are making their escape from the real world to their imaginary world. It can affect their personality by making them introverted and isolated.
Additionally
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, it can impact their health. In his book, Global Social, Professor Mark Henry highlighted that individuals who spend more than half of the day texting others are able to gain diseases like body fatigue, eye strain, and obesity. These maladies happen
due to
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 excessive time spent on these platforms. In conclusion, from what has been aforementioned above, the amenities of
this
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 matter outweighed the disadvantages.
People
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 should be aware of the time spent on these apps.
This
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 technology helped us to enhance our relations with our peers. It fostered
people
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 to elevate their feelings and morality with their surroundings.

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coherence cohesion
While the essay provides a clear structure, some paragraphs can be improved by ensuring they are more coherent with linking words and clearer transitions.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that every point made is consistently linked back to the central argument. Avoid potential repetitions to maintain clarity and coherence.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to illustrate points, as this will enhance the persuasiveness and clarity of your response.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a strong introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the main argument.
task achievement
You provide a well-balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages, showing a nuanced understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure, with clear main points outlined in each paragraph.
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