Nowadays the way modern society is developing is being shaped by people's migration to large cities. In what ways is migration to large cities affecting society? Is this a positive or negative development?
Cities have always been an engine of development worldwide, attracting
people
and resources, but nowadays the pace of change Is Increasing rapidly. As a result
, modern society
is now more urbanized than at any time in its history. In this
essay, I will argue that the benefits to society
mostly outweigh the drawbacks.
One possible negative development is the danger that through migration, society
may generally become more selfish, using up resources in terms of energy, food and facilities at a faster rate than in the countryside. Once people
lose contact with the values, traditions and possibly languages of the communities they left behind, society
will undergo further
change. However
, there is no guarantee that this
loss will happen, as this
type of change stems from the sense of national identity in people
. In case of being attached to his values, no matter where he lives, they will be preserved and passed from generation to generation.
However
, migration also
benefits society
. This
is because large cities are dynamic and in a state of flux, offering people
opportunities such
as jobs and the chance to try out new ideas. The contribution of such
ideas to the wealth of any country can transform society
enormously, funding more facilities in fields such
as health and education. Innovative ways of living are another benefit for example
eco-houses and flexible working practices like partially working from home can affect the whole of society
. The quality of life for city inhabitants can then
be significantly improved, which in turn stimulates growth and improvements in rural areas.
On balance, in my opinion, the contribution made by migration to society
is positive and the transformation is not restricted to cities alone. It can stimulate developments beyond city boundaries, creating wealth, Ideas, jobs and improvements in society
at large.Submitted by raufpasayev83 on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task, addressing both the positive and negative aspects of migration to large cities. However, you could further strengthen your argument by including more specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
While your ideas are generally clear and comprehensive, some sentences could be more concise to improve readability. For example, 'In case of being attached to his values, no matter where he lives, they will be preserved and passed from generation to generation.' could be simplified.
coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, try to make each paragraph slightly more focused. In some cases, multiple ideas are packed into one paragraph, which can make it harder to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion. The logical structure is generally strong, but transitions between some points could be smoother. Try using more transitional phrases to enhance the flow.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion, making it easy for readers to follow your main arguments.
task achievement
You effectively address both the positive and negative outcomes of migration, demonstrating a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example