Some people think that employers should give staff at least four weeks holiday per year to improve their job performance. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

A proportion of the population believes that employees should have at least four weeks free in a year in order to perform well at their jobs. I fully agree with
this
view and I am going to explain my reasons.
Firstly
, when workers come back from a vacation , they have new ideas, a fresh mind and new solutions. By giving employees more free days, the company will benefit a lot by having more people who put effort into what they do and
also
by having new ideas and fresh solutions to previous problems that the company struggled to solve before the holiday.
For example
, the engineering department of a brand can't find a way to improve the function of a product , so the boss gives a free week to all the labourers from that field .After that week, they came up with new ideas and created an impressive product.
Secondly
, when employees receive a vacation , they feel more appreciated and ,
therefore
, will work harder after a free period.
In other words
, staff consider that holiday a reward for their hard work, and
this
motivates them to put even more effort when they come back to the workplace. One of the best ways in which an employer can show appreciation to their staff is by giving them a break .
For instance
, after a year of studying hard, when my English teacher told me that I could relax for 1 month, I felt so good that after that month I was excited to start studying again. In conclusion, I agree with the idea that employers should give their labourers at least 4 weeks of vacation because
this
encourages them to come up with new information and solutions, and
also
motivates them to work harder because they feel appreciated.
Submitted by zaineajessica on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt and stays relevant to the topic throughout. However, you could strengthen some of your points by adding more specific examples or evidence.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, but try to vary your sentence structure to make your writing more engaging. Also, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is well-developed. Some ideas could be expanded further to provide greater depth and clarity.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure transitions between ideas and paragraphs are smooth. Although your essay is well-organized, transitions could be stronger to guide the reader more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument well.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your main points, which strengthens your arguments.
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