IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that technology has led to many positive developments in their lives, while others believe that technology is gradually taking over control of the way people live.

#people #technology #developments #lives #control
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There is an argument that the improvement of
technology
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 has several advantages in
people
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 ‘s lives.
However
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, some others report that
technology
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 as much as, developed that individuals are not able to control it. In my idea, improvement of the
technology
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 has a positive in
people
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 ‘s lives. Developing
technology
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 has many benefits for the individual’s life.
Firstly
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,
technology
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 led them to communicate easily.
For example
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, the smartphone is the best sample a person with having smartphone, can be intact from the northern part of the world to the southern part of the world with her or his friend.
Moreover
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, it provides
people
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 with time efficiency.
For instance
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, a woman with has a washing machine and vacuum cleaner can do both at the same time.
Therefore
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, improving
technology
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 is the best facility for
people
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.
However
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, there is a concern about the negative impact of
technology
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 which is over control of humans. The drawback of the
technology
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 is remarkable.
For example
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, nuclear weapons, if a country uses its nuclear weapons a giant another country for many years will remove all organisms from the earth.
Furthermore
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, recently hacking has become usually in many developing countries.
For example
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, there was news about Russia and the USA that American hackers hacked Russian privacy.
As a result
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, the negative influence of
technology
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 is
also
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 significant.
To conclude
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, the idea of some
people
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 developing
technology
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 is a good advantage for
people
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although
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 others do not agree and argue that it has gone out of the control of humans. I think extending
technology
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 may help them in many areas
such
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 as communication, and facilities for daily life. But the negative impact is
also
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 considerable.
Submitted by hsmkashi on

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coherence cohesion
It's important to structure your essay clearly with an introduction, at least two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This provides a logical flow to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Present your thesis statement clearly in the introduction. This helps to guide the reader on your stance regarding the topic from the outset.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use linking words effectively to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. This enhances the overall cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure that you respond directly and fully to the task prompt. Include specific examples and reasons to support your position on the topic.
task achievement
Work on providing more detailed and specific examples to support your points. This makes your argument more convincing and comprehensive.
task achievement
While addressing the topic, be clear and precise in expressing your ideas. This will help in making your arguments more comprehensible and impactful.
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