some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together.
One of the effective
method
to attract Fix the agreement mistake
methods
people
from various countries and ages is music
, according to
some people
's beliefs. In my opinion, I completely agree with this
statement for several reasons.
firstly
, there are a lot of causes why music
is an effective way to bring people
from different ages and cultures
. Most people
around the world like music
, and it has an indirect effect on individuals. This
effect has contributed to an increased number of people
attracted to other communities. In addition
, music
does not require significant effort and high cost, so it is a good option to bring a lot of people
who have various cultures
. The process of producing music
does not take a long time and does not require much money. for example
, my friend works in a production company, he said the cost of producing music
is around $ 2500.
Also
, music
has a large number of kinds such
as classic and modern, so it caters to all ages and cultures
. This
diversity is very useful in motivating people
to get closer to each other. for instance
, children and teenagers tend to modern music
, while
adults like a classic. Furthermore
, each country has an official music
because it plays an important role in communication between people
. Most governments care about music
due to
it is a tool to bring people
together and create homogeneity in society. Many countries utilize music
as a marketing tool to spread their cultures
to the world.
In conclusion, music
is one way to attract people
from different classes and I totally agree with the statement for a large number of reasons.Submitted by a2100b2100 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
introduction
Consider revising the introduction to make it more engaging and assertive. You mention you 'completely agree with this statement for several reasons,' but it would be stronger to state why or how immediately.
grammar
Pay attention to capitalization, especially at the beginning of sentences. For example, 'firstly' and 'for example' should be capitalized.
variety
Some sentences are repetitive. Instead of saying, 'music is one way to attract people from different classes,' consider using synonyms or rephrasing the ideas to maintain the reader's interest.
specific examples
The essay has relevant examples, but they could be more specific. For instance, 'my friend works in a production company' could specify what kind of music production it is—pop, classical, etc. This would make the example more vivid and relatable.
linking phrases
Use more linking phrases to ensure seamless transitions between and within paragraphs. For example, 'In addition,' 'Furthermore,' and 'Moreover' could be used more effectively to connect ideas.
idea development
The essay provides a comprehensive list of reasons why music can bring people together, showcasing an understanding of the topic.
organization
The structure of the essay is clear, with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
examples
Your use of specific examples, like the cost of producing music, shows a practical understanding of the subject. Well done!
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?