some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together.
One of the effective
method
to attract Fix the agreement mistake
methods
people
from various countries and ages is Use synonyms
music
, Use synonyms
according to
some Linking Words
people
's beliefs. In my opinion, I completely agree with Use synonyms
this
statement for several reasons.
Linking Words
firstly
, there are a lot of causes why Linking Words
music
is an effective way to bring Use synonyms
people
from different ages and Use synonyms
cultures
. Most Use synonyms
people
around the world like Use synonyms
music
, and it has an indirect effect on individuals. Use synonyms
This
effect has contributed to an increased number of Linking Words
people
attracted to other communities. Use synonyms
In addition
, Linking Words
music
does not require significant effort and high cost, so it is a good option to bring a lot of Use synonyms
people
who have various Use synonyms
cultures
. The process of producing Use synonyms
music
does not take a long time and does not require much money. Use synonyms
for example
, my friend works in a production company, he said the cost of producing Linking Words
music
is around $ 2500.
Use synonyms
Also
, Linking Words
music
has a large number of kinds Use synonyms
such
as classic and modern, so it caters to all ages and Linking Words
cultures
. Use synonyms
This
diversity is very useful in motivating Linking Words
people
to get closer to each other. Use synonyms
for instance
, children and teenagers tend to modern Linking Words
music
, Use synonyms
while
adults like a classic. Linking Words
Furthermore
, each country has an official Linking Words
music
because it plays an important role in communication between Use synonyms
people
. Most governments care about Use synonyms
music
Use synonyms
due to
it is a tool to bring Linking Words
people
together and create homogeneity in society. Many countries utilize Use synonyms
music
as a marketing tool to spread their Use synonyms
cultures
to the world.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
music
is one way to attract Use synonyms
people
from different classes and I totally agree with the statement for a large number of reasons.Use synonyms
Submitted by a2100b2100 on
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introduction
Consider revising the introduction to make it more engaging and assertive. You mention you 'completely agree with this statement for several reasons,' but it would be stronger to state why or how immediately.
grammar
Pay attention to capitalization, especially at the beginning of sentences. For example, 'firstly' and 'for example' should be capitalized.
variety
Some sentences are repetitive. Instead of saying, 'music is one way to attract people from different classes,' consider using synonyms or rephrasing the ideas to maintain the reader's interest.
specific examples
The essay has relevant examples, but they could be more specific. For instance, 'my friend works in a production company' could specify what kind of music production it is—pop, classical, etc. This would make the example more vivid and relatable.
linking phrases
Use more linking phrases to ensure seamless transitions between and within paragraphs. For example, 'In addition,' 'Furthermore,' and 'Moreover' could be used more effectively to connect ideas.
idea development
The essay provides a comprehensive list of reasons why music can bring people together, showcasing an understanding of the topic.
organization
The structure of the essay is clear, with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
examples
Your use of specific examples, like the cost of producing music, shows a practical understanding of the subject. Well done!
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?