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Band 1.5

Is it better to live in an urban or rural area. What is your opinion?

#area
Well, it depends on the
person
Change noun form
person's
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 personality.
Besides
 both have some
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
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 or
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
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. Actually, urban
life
 gives you
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 lifestyle than rural area
life
.
Although
Correct word choice
However
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, people move to urban
life
 because they want to
spend
Verb problem
have
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better
Correct article usage
a better
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 lifestyle
according to
 o rural
life
.
However
, In urban
life
Add a comma
life,
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 you can
also
 face some
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 like, population,
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
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 of traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
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, and
also keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
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 yourself away from
pickpocket
Wrong verb form
pickpocketing
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.
Population
Add an article
The population
A population
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 can damage your health badly
also
 traffic jam causes accidents. There is
also
 noise pollution which leads to stress.
On the other hand
, in rural
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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area
Add a comma
area,
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 you inhale fresh air because of greeneries. But in rural
areas
Add a comma
areas,
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 there is
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of education
institute
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institutes
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, hospitals, and many other things.
To conclude
, I think urban
life
 gives you many advantages there
also
Add a missing verb
are also
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 some
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
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 but
its
Change the pronoun
it
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 gives you
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 education to improve your
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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. I think that
Submitted by roshnijuneja19182 on

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Logical Structure
Consider organizing your essay into clear paragraphs: an introduction, at least two body paragraphs that discuss both the advantages and disadvantages thoroughly, and a conclusion that summarizes your opinion effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea. Connect your ideas smoothly with appropriate linking words to guide the reader.
Introduction & Conclusion
Expand your introduction by clearly stating your opinion and outlining the main points you will discuss. This helps to guide your reader from the beginning.
Supported Main Points
In the body of your essay, balance the discussion by elaborating on both the advantages and disadvantages with more detailed examples. This strengthens your argument and supports your main points.
Complete Response
Address the task more completely by ensuring you not only list the advantages and disadvantages but also clarify your personal stance with more conviction. Use the conclusion to emphasize your opinion again, making it memorable.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
Enhance the clarity of your essay by presenting ideas comprehensively. This means expanding on your points with more specific examples and explanations instead of briefly mentioning them.
Relevant & Specific Examples
To support your opinions and statements, incorporate more specific examples and real-life scenarios. This adds credibility and interest to your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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