IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events.Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #world #media #touch #news #events
Every day, a large number of
people
 utilize social
media
 to stay in touch with one another and stay informed about news and events.
This
 writer argues that the benefits of instant information about the world and connecting with other
people
 easily overcome the cons of social platform
addiction
. It is vital to understand that social service is no doubt one of the most crucial parts of our lives.
In other words
, social
media
 has made our lives increasingly convenient by providing us with the ability to connect everything on Earth.
For instance
, social websites allow us to update newspapers constantly, linking us with other
people
 from a faraway distance. Another point worth considering is that using social
media
 can help us contact other
people
 easily. To elaborate,
instead
 of sending letters and faxes, which consume lots of time and paper, using technological devices can immediately send
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
message
Fix the agreement mistake
messages
show examples
 to other users.
However
, there are a few
people
 who believe that using social platforms can lead to
addiction
. Many
people
 nowadays are using social services for more than 15 hours a day, which is the most noticeable reason for smartphone
addiction
.
This
 may be true, but limiting the amount of time spent on social networks and exercising could reduce
this
 status significantly. In conclusion, the drawbacks of
addiction
 are outweighed by the positives of connecting
people
 with
people
 from a distance and updating news instantly.
Hence
, social
media
 can be a useful tool in the near future.

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Coherence & Cohesion
You've done well in structuring your essay logically, with a clear introduction and conclusion, as well as supporting your main points effectively. To further improve, try to ensure that each paragraph flows into the next more smoothly by using a wider range of cohesive devices and transitional phrases.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the task directly, providing a balanced view on the advantages and disadvantages of social media usage. To enhance your task achievement score, include more specific examples and detailed explanations to better illustrate your points. Additionally, consider exploring a wider range of advantages and disadvantages to provide a more comprehensive response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • facilitate
  • geographically separated
  • fostering
  • connectivity
  • instant communication
  • real-time information
  • misinformation
  • rigorous checks and balances
  • fake news
  • addictive nature
  • detract
  • face-to-face interactions
  • mental health
  • awareness of limitations
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