Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch other people and get new events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Social
media
have used
to keep in touch with other Add a missing verb
been used
people
around the world
by many individuals. In my personal view, the positive aspects that using social media
provided
for Wrong verb form
provides
the
Correct article usage
apply
human
is more outweigh Fix the agreement mistake
humans
than
the pessimistic Change preposition
apply
aspect
.
In the modern Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
day
, technology develops fastly and established beside that
Correct word choice
apply
the
human Correct article usage
apply
using
social Wrong verb form
use
media
to get in touch and spread their relationship
network. Social media
helps the
humans to update their knowledge Correct article usage
apply
day
by day
. Due to
, the world
event occurs everyday
so they need to provide more information around the Replace the word
every day
world
. The speed of searching for information in
social Change preposition
on
media
is dramtically
high and fast. It just Correct your spelling
dramatically
need
a few minutes to know the news. Change the verb form
needs
It’s
may help Unnecessary verb
It
busy
person to get more easily Add an article
a busy
the busy
for
their life.
What's more Change preposition
in
convinently
and helpful, social Correct your spelling
convenient
media
help people
to contact with
other Change preposition
apply
people
fastly
. They can use social Rephrase
quickly
media
to update their status every day
or every minutes
so their friends and family can know what are they doing and Change to a singular noun
minute
suppose
to do. Wrong verb form
are supposed
Besides
that, using social media
can help the
humans to save their Correct article usage
apply
relationship
in the past or the future. Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
For instance
, when people
get
Verb problem
apply
lost
contact with other Wrong verb form
lose
people
who
they don’t spend Correct pronoun usage
apply
to
much time Replace the word
too
to increase
Change the verb form
increasing
Correct pronoun usage
their relationship
relationship
. Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
Due to
in the technology era, meeting up face to face is hard so people
can lose their relationship
.
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
To conclude
, social media
brings the
Correct article usage
a
amount
of benefits Change the quantifier
number
for
Change preposition
to
the
humans around the Correct article usage
apply
world
. Social media
has a big and important impacts
Correct the article-noun agreement
a big and important impact
big and important impacts
for
human lives.Change preposition
on
Submitted by zky1705202 on
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Content
Focus on thoroughly developing your points with clear, specific examples. The argument lacks concrete examples to support your claims about the advantages of social media. Including real or hypothetical examples can strengthen your argument.
Structure
Ensure your essay has a clear structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and be clearly linked to the others through cohesive devices.
Language
Pay attention to your grammar and vocabulary to ensure clarity and accuracy. The essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that can confuse readers. Consider revising sentences for clarity and using a broader range of vocabulary.
Cohesion
Work on writing more coherent sentences and improving the logical flow of ideas. Use connectors and transition words appropriately to link ideas within and across paragraphs.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.