IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many parents believe that children should read strict educational books and not any other entertainment books as it is were of time. Do you agree or disagree.

#parents #children #books #entertainment #time
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Modern
parents
Use synonyms
 tend to be overly protective of their child's education. Some
parents
Use synonyms
 believe that entertainment
books
Use synonyms
 should completely be banned and only allow their
children
Use synonyms
 to read materials that
gear
Wrong verb form
are geared
show examples
 toward learning.
Although
Linking Words
, I agree that educational
books
Use synonyms
 are important, depriving a child of leisure
books
Use synonyms
 does not sit well with me. Despite the prejudice of recreational
books
Use synonyms
, they certainly have benefits that people tend to overlook. One of which is its contribution to allowing
children
Use synonyms
 to develop art, creativity and imagination which are evidently essential in a child's development. It gives them the room to explore and express their emotions that are being aided by art.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these types of tools help kids reduce stress levels, and promote happiness and well-being. For
children
Use synonyms
 with autism, entertainment
books
Use synonyms
 are often used by therapists in order for them to learn and develop their social skills.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, I understand the
parents
Use synonyms
' sentiment and it is undeniable that too much of
this
Linking Words
 pleasure medium can
also
Linking Words
 bring harm to kids. It decreases the appetite to read scholastic
books
Use synonyms
, may introduce morally wrong ideas and on a much more serious note, turn to a bigger problem which is addiction.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 are able to access
this
Linking Words
 stuff once they are out of the premises of their house and more often
thannot
Correct your spelling
than not
, it goes unsupervised.
Although
Linking Words
 the state of today's amusement industry is not as wholesome as before, I believe that moderation is key.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there should be a proportion between leisure and learning and
parents
Use synonyms
 have the responsibility to guide their
children
Use synonyms
 to balance the two. Stopping or banning is not the solution, guidance is.
Submitted by decxelnarjoyragas on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly states your position on the topic to guide the reader.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will help make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences in the paragraph are related to that idea.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of linking words to help your essay flow more smoothly from one point to the next. While your essay has good structure, varying your connectors will enhance coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: