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Band 7

Everyone of us should become a vegetarian because eating meat can cause serious health problems. To what extent do yo agree or disagree?

#meat #health #yo
A lot of
people
 think that stopping eating
meat
 will save the planet and make
people
 live healthier. Vegetarians have many reasons for not eating animals like
health
 and ecology.
However
, I think we cannot forbid
people
 to be carnivores because of their taste and culture. The aim of vegetarians is human
health
 . Indeed,
meat
 in big quantities is known to damage arteries and cause heart diseases.
As a result
, eating vegetables and fruit is good for
health
. Another reason to be veggie is to protect animals from suffering from industrial breeding.
In addition
, reducing our consumption of
meat
 would reduce ecological issues which have an impact on global warming.
For example
, in some countries, if farmers have fewer cattle, it would save water for the grass and save greenhouse gas emissions. Traditions and cultures,
however
, are based on carnivore food which represents the identity of a country. Dishes and specialities are famous in each nation and are part of their attractivity for tourists.
For example
, in Portugal,
people
 eat baccalau which is a fried fish meal or in America , everybody knows their famous hamburgers or hotdogs.
Moreover
, farmers
raise
Wrong verb form
have raised
show examples
 livestock over centuries.
Likewise
, most of those earth workers inherit their parents' farms and their job is more than a passion for animals and nature in general. In conclusion,
although
 vegans are right about not eating
meat
 for mainly
health
 purposes, I do not agree that everybody should stop eating organic food. Farming can be necessary for economic reasons
as well as
 cultures linked with the tradition of
meat
.
Submitted by leared on

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Introduction
Strengthen your introduction by clearly stating your stance on the issue. This sets the tone for the essay and makes it easier for readers to follow your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Paragraph Development
Balance the development of ideas throughout the essay. Ensure that each paragraph is well-developed and that the ideas are thoroughly explored.
Language Use
Incorporate a more varied sentence structure and richer vocabulary to enhance readability and convey ideas more effectively.
Argument Depth
Increase the depth of your analysis in the argument. Provide more detailed explanations and consider different viewpoints to make your argument more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Task achievement can be improved by ensuring that the essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. Make sure to clearly express your stance and to what extent you agree or disagree with the statement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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