IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

All children should given a free laptop when they start highschool.Do you agree or disagree?

#children #laptop #highschool
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Highschool is an extremely important part of
humans'
Fix the agreement mistake
human'
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
, considering
to implement
Change the verb form
implementing
show examples
 technological devices actively
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 throughout their puberty is a crucial decision. We are living
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
world
that is
Linking Words
 surrounded by
technology
Use synonyms
. The importance of
artifical
Correct your spelling
artificial
 intelligence and
tehcnology
Correct your spelling
technology
 has been enhancing every day.
Therefore
Linking Words
, growing up a youth which
consist
Change the verb form
consists
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who are really interested
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
tehcnology
Correct your spelling
technology
 is essential to being able to catch the rest of the world in terms of
technology
Use synonyms
.
Thereby
Rephrase
Therefore
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
 implementation may be very effective.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 may
bitterly
Add a missing verb
be bitterly
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 effective
regarding
Change preposition
in
show examples
 reducing the
economical
Replace the word
economic
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 inequalities toward students.
Therefore
Linking Words
, every single
Use synonyms
children
Change to a singular noun
child
show examples
feel
Correct subject-verb agreement
feels
show examples
 like
be
Wrong verb form
being
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 supported equally.
However
Linking Words
,
technology
Use synonyms
 is not only contributing to
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 civilization and
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not have only positive aspects. But
technology
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
reduce
Change the verb form
reduces
show examples
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 social intelligence, interaction level,
empathy
Correct word choice
and empathy
show examples
 talent and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them precisely a robot.
For
Change preposition
To
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 build a modern and developed civilization, we do not only need
people
Use synonyms
 who
are know
Change the verb form
know
show examples
 so many things about
technology
Use synonyms
,
Add the word(s)
, but
show examples
we
also
Linking Words
 need
people
Use synonyms
 who
are communicate
Change the verb form
communicate
show examples
 with each other, not addicted to
dopamin
Correct your spelling
dopamine
due to
Linking Words
 scrolling social media
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all day and
also
Linking Words
 can live without
technology
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 should use
technology
Use synonyms
 for their convenience but shouldn't sacrifice their brains for that and be able to stay as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
. In conclusion,
children
Use synonyms
 can learn so many things about
technology
Use synonyms
 in their lessons at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school.
Technology
Use synonyms
 lessons should be compulsory
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the schools' curriculum. But giving
children
Use synonyms
leptops
Correct your spelling
laptops
 may have so many negatives.
Therefore
Linking Words
 laptops shouldn't be given to
children
Use synonyms
 when they start
high-school
Correct your spelling
high school
show examples
.
Submitted by vincase36 on

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task achievement
Begin by clearly stating your opinion on the topic in your introduction. This helps readers understand your stance from the outset.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by relevant examples or explanations. This will strengthen your argument and make your position more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs. Using transition words and phrases can help improve the coherence of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Correct grammatical and spelling errors as they can distract from your message and reduce the overall clarity of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Consider balancing your arguments by discussing both sides of the argument cohesively before concluding with your own stance. This could enhance the structure and persuasive power of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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