IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reason for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, mothers go out to work
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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fathers prefer to be at home and take care of their juveniles. There can be many reasons
of
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 and people may have varied opinions on the topic.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, my own perspective is uttered as under. The modern era brought a plethora of positive and negative changes that were needed.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the reasons for the said happening are not that simple. One of the reasons could be that after giving birth, the women are fed up
of
Change preposition
with

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 their schedule. So in order to have a change in their daily life, they opt for a job and as the baby
is needed
Wrong verb form
needs

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb is needed. Consider changing it.

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 to be looked after, it is done by the male
patent
Correct your spelling
patient

The word patent doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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. The other reason may be the wave of feminism
that is
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 breaking the patriarchy and consolidating a novel matriarchy. Moving to the positive side, if the fathers are staying at home
then
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the mother is relieved of the daily chores and it is
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 necessary for their proper recovery from the traumas that they might have experienced during the painful days. Apart from that, it is
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 beneficial on the global scale as
development
Add an article
the development

The noun phrase development seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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 of a country is judged
from
Change preposition
by

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 the independence enjoyed by the females. Turning to the negative aspect, there might be some conflicts that may arise between the parents because the men are not as gentle as the women in dealing with the children. The prolonged harsh treatment
to
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 a child may result in improper growth of a kid. To recapitulate, It could be said that there are many merits of women being at work and fathers staying at home
for looking
Change preposition
to look

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 after the children than the demerits.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it could be taken as an appreciable development for the society.

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Task Achievement
Work on expanding your main points with more detailed and specific examples. This can help strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing. Consider real-life scenarios or statistics to support your points.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and stick to it throughout the paragraph. This will help in maintaining a logical flow. Use linking words effectively to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Try to maintain a balanced perspective by discussing both sides of the argument before concluding. This can offer a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Avoid overgeneralizations and make sure your points are well-supported with evidence or logical reasoning. This will add credibility to your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Proofread your essay to fix any grammatical errors or unclear sentences. This will help in making your essay more coherent and easy to understand.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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