IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of politicians, rather than individuals, to reduce the world's environmental damage. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many means of transportation are responsible for ecological impact all over the world.
Although
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 individuals as well could contribute to reducing the damage to the environment, I do believe that
politicians
Use synonyms
 could make laws for those big polluters, as it could be more impactful. These days, governments try to educate people on global warming, greenhouse gas and pollution in general, to reduce our impact on the environment.
This
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 issue is a major concern for everybody on earth and we are all trying to be part of the solution.
For example
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, in Europe, many countries are encouraging people to buy electric cars which pollute less the atmosphere, Or are telling them to lower the heat of their homes. Cruise ships, factories, planes and transport companies,
however
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, are responsible for a large part of the annual pollution rate. Studies have shown that tour cruise ships emit more greenhouse gases than several thousands of cars.
Therefore
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, I feel that
politicians
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 should make laws to manage the amount of these means of transportation, in order to reduce drastically the world's environmental damage.
For instance
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, we could make quotas of planes able to fly each day, which could reduce CO2.
Nevertheless
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, I understand that from an economic view,
politicians
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 are careful to make decisions in favour of the climate, as it could damage the world's economic balance. In conclusion, everybody should care about the environment and pollution. Many people are trying individually to act for the planet, which is important.
However
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, I agree that decisions could be taken by
politicians
Use synonyms
, to highly reduce the impact of major polluting companies.

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coherence cohesion
You've made a good attempt to structure your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in understanding. However, the essay could benefit from more varied transitional phrases to guide the reader more smoothly from one idea to the next.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure your essay directly addresses the question throughout. While your position is clear, further exploration of how individual responsibilities compare to political actions in regards to environmental damage would balance the argument and fully meet the task requirements.
general
Integrating a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary relevant to the topic can make your arguments more compelling and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
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