IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of politicians, rather than individuals, to reduce the world's environmental damage. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Many means of transportation are responsible for ecological impact all over the world.
Although
Linking Words
 individuals as well could contribute to reducing the damage to the environment, I do believe that
politicians
Use synonyms
 could make laws for those big polluters, as it could be more impactful.
Body paragraph 1
These days, governments try to educate people on global warming, greenhouse gas and pollution in general, to reduce our impact on the environment.
This
Linking Words
 issue is a major concern for everybody on earth and we are all trying to be part of the solution.
For example
Linking Words
, in Europe, many countries are encouraging people to buy electric cars which pollute less the atmosphere, Or are telling them to lower the heat of their homes.
Body paragraph 2
Cruise ships, factories, planes and transport companies,
however
Linking Words
, are responsible for a large part of the annual pollution rate. Studies have shown that tour cruise ships emit more greenhouse gases than several thousands of cars.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I feel that
politicians
Use synonyms
 should make laws to manage the amount of these means of transportation, in order to reduce drastically the world's environmental damage.
For instance
Linking Words
, we could make quotas of planes able to fly each day, which could reduce CO2.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I understand that from an economic view,
politicians
Use synonyms
 are careful to make decisions in favour of the climate, as it could damage the world's economic balance.
Conclusion
In conclusion, everybody should care about the environment and pollution. Many people are trying individually to act for the planet, which is important.
However
Linking Words
, I agree that decisions could be taken by
politicians
Use synonyms
, to highly reduce the impact of major polluting companies.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
You've made a good attempt to structure your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in understanding. However, the essay could benefit from more varied transitional phrases to guide the reader more smoothly from one idea to the next.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure your essay directly addresses the question throughout. While your position is clear, further exploration of how individual responsibilities compare to political actions in regards to environmental damage would balance the argument and fully meet the task requirements.
general
Integrating a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary relevant to the topic can make your arguments more compelling and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: