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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries, crime rates are increasing. What are the causes of this problem? What can be done about it?

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In many parts of the world, crime is on the rise. In
this
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 essay, I plan to explore the consequences of
this
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 problem and possible solutions to them. The most prominent reason among others is the feeling of insecurity among
people
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.
For example
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, unfortunately, there are numerous cases where
people
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 died from a random bullet from criminals. Another aspect is kidnapping, which is a nightmare for all parents.
This
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 forces them to accompany their
children
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 everywhere to avoid terrible accidents. Speaking about crime, I cannot fail to mention the spread of drugs among the population, especially among young
people
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. Needless to say, drug addiction is a terrible scourge of society, claiming millions of lives. Speaking of solutions, I strongly believe that we need a comprehensive solution and
children
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 need to be given special attention from a safety perspective. Develop and include in the school curriculum relevant subjects that will teach
children
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 to support each other, treat older
people
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 with respect, and love and care for the environment and wild animals. If a child is raised
this
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 way, he will never take the wrong path in the future.
In addition
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, authorities must implement preventive procedures to prevent the spread of drugs,
such
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 as police monitoring of areas surrounding schools. In conclusion,
although
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 delinquency is a huge problem in society and has many negative consequences described above, I still want to believe that it is not too late to try to defeat evil by instilling culture and love in our
children
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.
In addition
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, authorities must help
people
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 feel safe through the implementation of specific processes.

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task response
To improve in task achievement, ensure that your response fully addresses all parts of the task. While you've provided causes and solutions, making these more specific and directly connected to the question can enhance clarity. Integrate more detailed examples directly related to the causes and solutions you discuss.
coherence
Enhance coherence by logically organizing your ideas and transitioning smoothly between them. Your essay can benefit from clearer connections between paragraphs. Use a range of cohesive devices but be wary of overuse which can hinder clarity.
cohesion
Increase cohesion by better structuring your essay. Introduce, support, and conclude each point more distinctly. Consider using a wider variety of sentence structures and punctuation to create a more engaging and easily readable text.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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