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Band 7

In many parts of the world, some famous people are considered as 'role models' and they are having an increasing influence on the young. Is this a positive or negative development?

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There is a school of thought that
celebrities
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 are regarded as role models, significantly influencing young people. From my perspective,
this
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 phenomenon has
both
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 positive and negative implications. One major advantage of famous individuals serving as role models is their ability to inspire younger generations. In today’s world, many
celebrities
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 are admired for their perseverance and dedication to their careers, motivating others to pursue their ambitions.
For instance
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, Meichan, a well-known Vietnamese influencer, has gained widespread recognition for her outstanding academic achievements
while
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 studying abroad. Her success has encouraged many students to strive for excellence and consider overseas education as a viable option.
Furthermore
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, many renowned figures actively participate in charitable initiatives, leveraging their influence to raise awareness and encourage public engagement in social causes.
This
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, in turn, fosters a culture of generosity and social responsibility.
However
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, excessive admiration for
celebrities
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 can
also
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 have detrimental consequences. Young people often attempt to emulate their idols, particularly in terms of appearance and lifestyle, which can lead to unrealistic beauty standards and financial strain from purchasing expensive products endorsed by
celebrities
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. In extreme cases,
this
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 obsession can negatively affect
both
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 mental and physical health.
Additionally
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, some young individuals may idolize controversial figures who gain fame through scandals rather than positive contributions. Without the maturity to critically assess these influences, they risk adopting misguided values or engaging in inappropriate
behavior
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behaviour
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, which could be detrimental to
both
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 their personal development and society as a whole. In conclusion,
while
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 some
celebrities
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 inspire young people through their achievements and social contributions, others may promote unrealistic standards and negative
behaviors
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behaviours
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.
Therefore
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, it is crucial for young individuals to develop critical thinking skills to differentiate between positive and negative influences. Moving forward,
both
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celebrities
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 and society should encourage more responsible role models to guide the younger generation in a positive direction.

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task achievement
Consider expanding on your negative points with more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
While your ideas are generally well-organized, introducing more varied transition phrases could enhance the flow of information.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines both sides of the issue, setting a balanced tone for the essay and guiding the reader effectively.
task achievement
Your use of a specific example (Meichan) effectively illustrates a positive influence of role models, supporting your argument well.
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