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Writing Samples
Band 7

Many adults nowadays prefer spending their free time playing computer games. Why do they do this? Is this a positive or negative development?

#adults #time #computer #games #development
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Nowadays, mature people find computer
games
 engaging and they spend their leisure
time
 playing
such
 kinds of
games
. From my perspective, these are made in a certain way to provide a sense of pleasure
however
 it has negative effects. In
this
 essay, reasons for
this
 trend
as well as
 drawbacks will be discussed. The animated gaming is at its zenith because of the technological improvements in the field of graphics.
Due to
this
, animation makes its users feel that they are a part of it. They feel appeased when they win the
game
however
 when they lose, it pressurizes them even more to win the
game
.
Thus
, they become addicted to
such
 types of
games
.
For example
, there are many video
games
 that are related to a war kind of environment
such
 as Free Fire. In fact, the user controls one of the soldiers and teams up with his friends to attack the other team in it. It is played with peers and many people enjoy spending free
time
 playing it. In turn, it helps them to
while
Verb problem
stay
show examples
 away from their busy schedule.
On the contrary
, computer
games
 have some negative outcomes. Some individuals get so engrossed in these activities that they lose track of their precious
time
 and it results in forming bad habits. They never value the importance of
time
 and their mind gets affected by the way they play and communicate in the
game
. To exemplify, in India, a news reporter described a story of a person who was convicted of felony charges of killing his father who was not allowing him to play a
game
. The violence happening in the
game
 had a deep impact on his thinking.
To conclude
, undoubtedly, computer
games
 are helping a lot of adults to feel relaxed.
On the other hand
, it
also
 wastes important hours of one's life which could have been used towards doing something constructive. Not only it wastes
time
 but
also
 it has resulted in behavioural changes.
Overall
, gaming should be an occasional event , not a consistent habit.
Submitted by Kiran on

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task achievement
You have provided a clear and comprehensive response to the task, effectively explaining why adults play computer games and discussing the positive and negative aspects. To improve, you could delve deeper into both sides of the argument to present a more nuanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, and your ideas flow well from one point to the next. However, consider using more transitional phrases to improve the connectivity between your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively set the stage and wrap up your arguments.
task achievement
You have provided relevant and specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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