Now days more and more people buy and use their own cars . Do you think the advantage of this trend for individual outweigh its disadvantages for the environment ??

Currently, the trend is people are buying and using their own
cars
to commute to their businesses in daily life has been getting heavy talk in the community. In my opinion, I completely think that
this
phenomenon has a negative impact on the environment
instead
of the merits one. In
this
essay, I will explain my opinion
along with
a conclusion in the end. First of all, the surge in private car ownership leads to heightened traffic congestion. Each person will use their own
cars
to mobile and it causes the number of vehicles on roads will increase significantly.
As a result
, people will take a long time to travel and find many difficulties in reaching their destination on time.
For example
, Mumbai, one of the cities in India has many private
cars
compared to other cities, and for that reason, traffic problem usually occurs on the road.
Moreover
, the high number of private vehicles means a rise in the rate of air pollution.
Consequently
, individuals will suffer from harmful respiratory diseases
such
as tuberculosis and lung cancer.
To conclude
, the disadvantages of buying and using private
cars
for individuals outweigh the advantages because it will increase the enormous number of vehicles on the roads and
as a result
, it exacerbates traffic congestion, and contributes to climate change
due to
the high carbon emissions of air pollution.
Submitted by nurulfitriakamilah on

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Task Achievement
Ensure to address all parts of the task, including both the advantages and disadvantages as required by the question. Your essay predominantly focuses on disadvantages, which could limit your score on task completion.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas more fully by including more detailed examples and expanding on your points. This will help you achieve clearer and more comprehensive ideas.
Task Achievement
Consider including a paragraph on the advantages of car ownership for individuals to provide a balanced viewpoint, which is necessary for a higher task achievement score.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make use of cohesive devices accurately and effectively to improve the flow of your essay. Although you have used some, further variety and precision could enhance your score in coherence and cohesion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Integrate a final sentence in your conclusion that clearly states your personal stance, reinforcing the overall argument of your essay. This could strengthen the logical conclusion of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on developing a more distinct introduction that clearly outlines the advantages and disadvantages you will discuss. This helps in setting up a clearer frame for your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Personal mobility
  • Convenience
  • Reliance
  • Public transport
  • Enhancement
  • Personal safety
  • Surge
  • Traffic congestion
  • Environmental degradation
  • Air pollution
  • Noise pollution
  • Carbon emissions
  • Global warming
  • Wildlife habitats
  • Economic impacts
  • Public transportation infrastructure
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