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Band 4.5

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones in communication has negative effects on young people’s reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #computers #phones #communication #effects #people’s #skills
In the upcoming year, lots of individuals think that the growing
using variety
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 of technology
such
 as
computers
 and mobile
phones
 is affecting negatively
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
young people’s writing and reading skills.
Firstly
,
this
 essay will discuss, how machines can effect by negatively people’s abilities and
secondly
, the importance of using
computers
 and
phones
. On the one hand, there is no doubt that getting addicted to online technology is dangerous and harmful for people and society.
Thereupon
 increasing use of some type of technology the demand for books is decreasing. Ultraviolet rays emitted from
computers
 damage the memory and brain system. The main cause for
this
 problem is parents because the phone is bought by parents. Getting addicted to machines causes different types of diseases,
for example
,
according to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
scientists in 2022 years It shown that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 using a phone for 5 hours will decrease a person’s
lifeby
Correct your spelling
life by
life
 2years.
However
, on the flip side of the coin, there are some positive impacts of machinists. It is a true fact that
computers
 and
phones
 are always helpers for people
that is
 why some humans do not believe the idea. Because half part of their job depends on the machines. There are many useful aspects of
computers
 and
phones
such
 as it is possible to work and hold meetings without leaving home it allows you to do more than 3 things at the same time.
This
 is the main reason for throwing Europeans into
this
 system.
For instance
, in 2023 years INTERNATIONAL BANK OF CANADA’s percentage increased enhanced 45 % by working online. In conclusion, in my prospective opinion, I agree with
this
 idea because everything must have a limit.
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

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Task Achievement
Clearly introduce the topic in the first paragraph and directly respond to the task by stating your opinion clearly. Avoid vague or general statements that do not directly address the question.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points more fully with specific examples to support your arguments. Your essay mentions general impacts but lacks detailed examples that directly support your view.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure your essay has a logical structure by using paragraphs effectively. Each paragraph should contain one main idea and several supporting sentences. Connecting words should be used to show the relationship between ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on a clearer introduction and conclusion. Your introduction should present the topic and your main argument clearly. The conclusion should summarise your main points and restate your position in a concise way.
Advice
Pay attention to your grammar and vocabulary. Aim for precision and variety in your language use, avoiding repeated phrases and checking for grammatical accuracy.
Task Achievement
Address both sides of the argument as the prompt suggests, but make sure to clearly articulate your own viewpoint and why you hold it, particularly in your conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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