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Band 6

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and ive your opinion.

#people #attention #ive
Advertising is when
businesses
use
 numerous strategies to attract
customers
 to buy their
products
. It is argued by some
people
 that advertising is very successful in influencing consumers on their purchases.
On the other hand
, some other
people
 believe that advertising does not affect individuals anymore because it is very common. I believe that innovative advertising will be successful in attracting
people
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 buy
business
 goods. Traditional advertising methods
such
 as television and radio advertisements, newspaper adverts, posters and banners
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not capture the interest of
people
 anymore. These methods have been used for years by
businesses
hence
 it is not extremely successful because
people
 already know what it is about and what the advertisement will depict.
However
,
businesses
use
 these strategies anyway to remind the
customers
 about their
products
.
On the other hand
, some argue that advertising is
exceeding
Change the word
exceedingly
show examples
 successful in attracting
customers
 to
businesses
.
This
 could be true in certain scenarios where the
business
 is bringing up trendy, innovative, creative ideas of marketing to grab
customers
Change noun form
customers'
customer's
show examples
 attention and unconsciously persuade them to buy
products
.
Increasing
Add an article
An increasing
The increasing
show examples
 number of
businesses
 now
use
 innovative advertising strategies that persuade
customers
 to purchase
products
. A good example is social media advertising where
businesses
use
 statistical data of a person’s social media usage and recommend
products
 suitable for their specific needs. In my opinion, in today’s dynamic
business
 arena, it is not easy for
business
 organizations to become extremely successful by doing traditional marketing.
Customers
 would consider it to be very common and eventually neglect it if the
business
 is not
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
up to date with changing markets. I believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
businesses
 are required to find better and effective methods of advertising that could generate loyal
customers
 to any
business
 entity.
Submitted by amadisilva2 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structure and using a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay's complexity and readability.
Task Achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments, especially when discussing the effectiveness of innovative advertising strategies.
Introduction & Conclusion Present
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your discussion.
Complete Response
You've successfully discussed both views on the role of advertising, showcasing your ability to engage with multiple perspectives.
Logical Structure
Your organization of ideas is logical, making your essay easy to follow and understand.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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