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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In today's world, some young people play
their
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with their
show examples
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cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
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 from
time
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 to
time
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. The reason for
this
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 double-edged
phenomenone
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phenomenon
 is prone to be complex.
Firstly
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,
due to
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 the highly developed technology, smartphones upgrade frequently to meet the needs of users
in
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at
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 really young ages to make their lives more convenient and vibrant.
Correct article usage
The Iphone
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Iphone
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IPhone
 is the best instance, as the company put effort into manufacturing new types of mobile phones with advanced photographic functions and to attract
children
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 to post their daily
life
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lives
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 on the platforms of social media.
Moreover
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, games and study applicants which can be downloaded on
children
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's
cellphones
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 are the other attractions to appeal
young
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to young
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 generations to spend a large number of
time
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in
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apply
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concentrating on
visual
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the visual
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 world busy playing games
as well as
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 doing online homework and having classes on the internet.
This
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 development may be positive sometimes, because
the
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apply
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exposure to smartphones is more likely to help
children
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 access the ability to use high-tech electronic devices,
such
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 as computers, pads and even artificial intelligence
robot
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robots
show examples
 which can train
young
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the young
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 generation's familiarity with modern technology and
also
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 help them live a better life by using technological knowledge.
However
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, spending a long
time
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 watching screens may damage
children
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's eyesight leading to poor body conditions. Students who spend hours concentrating on mobile phones are more likely to less focus on lessons and textbooks during classes, as they tend to be distracted by
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cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
.
This
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 may sometimes lead to bad performance in schools and can
also
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 be negative for students to gain ideal scores in exams. In conclusion, the
upgration
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upgradation
 of the types of smartphones and the appealing applicants tend to be the results in attracting
children
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 to focus on playing
cellphones
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.
While
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this
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phenomenone
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phenomenon
 has both positive and detrimental influences on
children
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's daily lives and studies.

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task response
In your essay, ensure you directly address all parts of the task. Your introduction should more clearly state why children spend hours on their phones and whether this is positive or negative. You touched on both aspects, but your position could be clearer.
coherence cohesion
Provide a more structured argument by offering distinct paragraphs for each main idea. This will help in creating a better flow and logical structure in your essay. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence.
task response
Support your arguments with more specific examples. Though you mentioned smartphones and their influence, giving more concrete examples or personal experiences would strengthen your points. Avoid general statements without backing them up with details.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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