IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

WRITING TASK 2 You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #children #hours #smartphones #case #development
In today's world, some young people play
their
Change preposition
with their
show examples
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
 from
time
 to
time
. The reason for
this
 double-edged
phenomenone
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
 is prone to be complex.
Firstly
,
due to
 the highly developed technology, smartphones upgrade frequently to meet the needs of users
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 really young ages to make their lives more convenient and vibrant.
Correct article usage
The Iphone
show examples
Iphone
Correct your spelling
IPhone
 is the best instance, as the company put effort into manufacturing new types of mobile phones with advanced photographic functions and to attract
children
 to post their daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 on the platforms of social media.
Moreover
, games and study applicants which can be downloaded on
children
's
cellphones
 are the other attractions to appeal
young
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to young
show examples
 generations to spend a large number of
time
in
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apply
show examples
concentrating on
visual
Correct article usage
the visual
show examples
 world busy playing games
as well as
 doing online homework and having classes on the internet.
This
 development may be positive sometimes, because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exposure to smartphones is more likely to help
children
 access the ability to use high-tech electronic devices,
such
 as computers, pads and even artificial intelligence
robot
Fix the agreement mistake
robots
show examples
 which can train
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation's familiarity with modern technology and
also
 help them live a better life by using technological knowledge.
However
, spending a long
time
 watching screens may damage
children
's eyesight leading to poor body conditions. Students who spend hours concentrating on mobile phones are more likely to less focus on lessons and textbooks during classes, as they tend to be distracted by
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
.
This
 may sometimes lead to bad performance in schools and can
also
 be negative for students to gain ideal scores in exams. In conclusion, the
upgration
Correct your spelling
upgradation
 of the types of smartphones and the appealing applicants tend to be the results in attracting
children
 to focus on playing
cellphones
.
While
this
phenomenone
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
 has both positive and detrimental influences on
children
's daily lives and studies.
Submitted by 1434110674 on

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task response
In your essay, ensure you directly address all parts of the task. Your introduction should more clearly state why children spend hours on their phones and whether this is positive or negative. You touched on both aspects, but your position could be clearer.
coherence cohesion
Provide a more structured argument by offering distinct paragraphs for each main idea. This will help in creating a better flow and logical structure in your essay. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence.
task response
Support your arguments with more specific examples. Though you mentioned smartphones and their influence, giving more concrete examples or personal experiences would strengthen your points. Avoid general statements without backing them up with details.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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