Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is not debatable that a university is a place that provides unlimited academic knowledge.
While
other students
want to diversify their studies, I side with those who focus
on their main subjects
.
On the one hand, it could be argued that learning multiple subjects
could pose two challenges for the students
. Firstly
, they will need more funds. To illustrate, the more they learn about a subject, the more complex it becomes. If they cannot calculate how much time
, energy, and headspace they have to learn other subjects
, they will find difficult
to meet the objectives of the course that usually requires them to work on different assignments. Correct pronoun usage
it difficult
Consequently
, they will get a bad score and make them to retake the same course in the following academic year, which requires them to prepare additional costs. Secondly
, they may have lack of time
to maintain the right balance between their studies and leisure activities. As they dedicate their time
to learning multiple subjects
, they will probably have limited freedom to explore their non-academic interests. In a very bad possibility, they may experience burnout.
On the other hand
, I agree with those who argue that focusing on subjects
related to one qualification is more important. First,
students
could be an expert in a particular field. Gaining an in-depth, specialist knowledge of a subject requires a certain level of focus
and dedication over a long period. As a result
, they will have a comprehensive understanding towards the subject they learn so that they can be a proficient individual in the related work setting. Another important point is that the students
could save extra money. If they could focus
on the main subjects
, they would have no potential bad scores. Because of this
, they could graduate or gain qualification on time
.
In conclusion, while
learning multiple subjects
could possibly make the students
not only prepare more funds and have a lack on doing leisure activities, they can be experts and save extra money if they focus
solely on their main subjects
. I, therefore
, remain convinced that focusing on the main subjects
is more important.Submitted by alfinkarimah008 on
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task achievement
In the introduction, make sure to clearly present both views. You mentioned your own stance early, which is good, but ensure both viewpoints are also clearly introduced.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the question effectively, but using more relevant and specific examples can strengthen your points further. Try to integrate more real-world examples or detailed hypothetical scenarios to illustrate your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of ideas is good, but there are occasional minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. To improve clarity, consider proofreading to eliminate errors such as 'they will find difficult' (should be 'they will find it difficult') and 'have lack of time' (should be 'have a lack of time').
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a strong structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly and maintains clear connections between ideas. For instance, when discussing costs and burnout, make sure each contrast is explicit for maximum clarity.
task achievement
You presented a balanced discussion of both views, providing clear reasoning for each side before restating your own position.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and clearly states your personal opinion, which ties the essay together nicely.
coherence cohesion
You used appropriate linking words to connect ideas within paragraphs, which helps maintain the flow of the essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example