IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that professionals such as doctors and engineers should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss these points of view and give your own opinion.

#people #professionals #doctors #engineers #work #country #points
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It is argued that skilled
workers
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 including doctors and engineers
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
ought to
work
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 in the same
country
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 where they received their
education
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.
While
Linking Words
 these
workers
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 should be thankful for
teaching
Correct article usage
the teaching
show examples
 offered at these places, it is unfair and unnecessary to confine
people
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 working in one place. On the one hand, training is invaluable to the occupation-required skills, and
workers
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 should appreciate their opportunities
of mastering
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to master
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such
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 skills.
This
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 is especially true for
workers
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 coming from developing areas. In these underdeveloped nations, it is difficult for ordinary
people
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 to become highly skilled
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work force
Correct your spelling
workers
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due to
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 the lack of teaching staff at universities and the lack of educational infrastructure.
For example
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, to train a doctor,
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education
Replace the word
educational
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instituition
Correct your spelling
institution
institutions
 should not only provide experienced professors to teach
students
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 but
also
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 need to offer a series of expensive medical equipment. Both of these conditions are impossible for developing countries, and
people
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 from these places will never have the chance of becoming
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
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professionals without studying abroad. In
this
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 sense, they should be grateful for these
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education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
 privileges.
On the other hand
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,thanking for these educational experiences does not mean
people
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 are compulsory to
work
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 to pay back their
education
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.
This
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 is because these
people
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 have already paid much higher tuition fees than domestic
students
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as
Correct word choice
and
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 international
students
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, contributing millions of dollars to the
locallconomy
Correct your spelling
local economy
. Even for
students
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 with scholarships to study in a foreign
country
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. it is unfair to force them to stay in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 foreign
country
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 to keep these talents because
people
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shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 be free to choose
whereever
Correct your spelling
wherever
 they want to live.
Instead
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, these governments should offer more
work
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 benefits to attract them to stay.
Moreover
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, for countries that could offer
such
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 premium
education
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 for international
students
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, keeping foreign
workers
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 in
this
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 way is not worth it given the fact that they can train their own citizens to fill the talent shortage. In
this
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 way, after the
education
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, the
local
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locals
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 could find more job opportunities and have better career
prospect
Fix the agreement mistake
prospects
show examples
, and at the same time, governments will be able to fill the talent shortage generating a
Correct your spelling
virtuous
virtous
Correct your spelling
virtuous
 cycle In conclusion, after graduation,
workers
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 should thank
teh
Correct your spelling
the
 foreign
country
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 for their training.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 forcing
workers
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 to
work
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 in
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general
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The conclusion in your essay was incomplete, which impacts coherence and task achievement. Try to provide a concise summarization of your arguments and your own opinion in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. Use transition words or phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples. While you provided some examples, adding more detailed and specific instances can enhance your argument's credibility and depth.
general
Check for and correct grammatical errors and ensure your sentences are well-constructed. This will not only improve coherence but also the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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