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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
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Nowadays,
kids
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 spend a lot of time on their smartphones. There are several reasons behind
this
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 situation and I find
this
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 development more beneficial than negative. Both the reasons and my view are elaborated
further
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 First of all,
kids
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 love these devices because they're fun and let them connect with their friends. They can play games, watch videos, and
use
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 social media, which gives them instant gratification. Smartphones
also
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 make them feel like they belong and help them engage with others in the digital world.
However
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, I am worried about the bad effects of excessive smartphone
use
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.
For example
Linking Words
, it can lead to sleep deprivation and obesity, which isn't good for their physical health.
Moreover
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, social media can make them feel bad about themselves, leading to self-esteem issues. Plus,
kids
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 may not be learning new things or using their creativity when they spend all their time on their phones. So, smartphones can be both good and bad for
kids
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. They're fun and let them connect with others, but too much
use
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 can be harmful. That's why it's important to find a balance.
Kids
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 should do other things, like playing outdoors and being active. They should
also
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use
Use synonyms
 their phones responsibly.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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evaluation
Ensure to provide a range of specific examples to support each point made. This helps to enrich your discussion and make it more engaging.
style
Consider using a wider variety of sentence structures and more complex grammar to enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
development
While addressing both the positive and negative effects of smartphone use among children, aim to develop a more nuanced argument by discussing the implications or offering solutions to mitigate the negatives.
introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion on children's smartphone use, indicating clear understanding of the topic.
balance
You've successfully maintained balance by presenting both sides of the argument, which is crucial for a well-rounded discussion.
structure
Good job on keeping the essay structured around central themes, which helps in maintaining the reader’s interest.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
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