Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Nowadays,
kids
spend a lot of time on their smartphones. There are several reasons behind
this
situation and I find
this
development more beneficial than negative. Both the reasons and my view are elaborated
further
First of all,
kids
love these devices because they're fun and let them connect with their friends. They can play games, watch videos, and
use
social media, which gives them instant gratification. Smartphones
also
make them feel like they belong and help them engage with others in the digital world.
However
, I am worried about the bad effects of excessive smartphone
use
.
For example
, it can lead to sleep deprivation and obesity, which isn't good for their physical health.
Moreover
, social media can make them feel bad about themselves, leading to self-esteem issues. Plus,
kids
may not be learning new things or using their creativity when they spend all their time on their phones. So, smartphones can be both good and bad for
kids
. They're fun and let them connect with others, but too much
use
can be harmful. That's why it's important to find a balance.
Kids
should do other things, like playing outdoors and being active. They should
also
use
their phones responsibly.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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evaluation
Ensure to provide a range of specific examples to support each point made. This helps to enrich your discussion and make it more engaging.
style
Consider using a wider variety of sentence structures and more complex grammar to enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
development
While addressing both the positive and negative effects of smartphone use among children, aim to develop a more nuanced argument by discussing the implications or offering solutions to mitigate the negatives.
introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion on children's smartphone use, indicating clear understanding of the topic.
balance
You've successfully maintained balance by presenting both sides of the argument, which is crucial for a well-rounded discussion.
structure
Good job on keeping the essay structured around central themes, which helps in maintaining the reader’s interest.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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