Some people say the professional workers such as, doctors, nurses and teachers, who make greater contribution to the society, should be paid more than those people in the field of sports and entertainment. To what extent do you agree and disagree?
In contemporary society, there is a prevailing belief that professional occupations should receive priority in
payment
over fields such
as sports or entertainment due to
perceived greater devotion. However
, this
essay contends that such
prioritization undermines principles of justice and hampers a country's development.
It is essential to recognize that fairness in compensation is a fundamental desire shared by citizens in any nation. Following the upheaval of the Second World War, aspirations for economic stability and social progress led individuals
to seek meaningful employment with decent wages. Prioritizing payment
for certain professions over others not only disregards the contributions of individuals
in sports and entertainment but also
exacerbates feelings of injustice and inequality. This
can ultimately lead to societal unrest and heightened pressure on authorities to address disparities in payment
across various sectors.
Furthermore
, fostering economic growth requires a balanced approach to compensation across all occupations. When individuals
perceive that their efforts are undervalued compared to those in favored
professions, morale and productivity suffer, leading to a cycle of discontent and potential unemployment. By promoting fair Change the spelling
favoured
payment
for all types of work, governments can encourage greater participation in the labor
market and foster a more equitable distribution of resources, ultimately contributing to long-term economic stability and prosperity.
In conclusion, prioritizing Change the spelling
labour
payment
for professional occupations over sports or entertainment fields undermines principles of fairness and impedes a country's development. To promote social cohesion and economic growth, governments should strive to establish equitable compensation norms that recognize the contributions of individuals
across all sectors. By valuing diversity and inclusivity in payment
practices, societies can harness the full potential of their workforce and pave the way for a more prosperous future.Submitted by 11E4 Community on
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Task Achievement
While you have made a valid attempt to address the task by presenting arguments on both sides, incorporating more direct references to the specific impacts of undervaluing sports and entertainment professionals compared to those in healthcare and education could strengthen your argument. Try to clearly demarcate your position regarding the extent of agreement or disagreement at the outset to guide the reader more effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay benefits from a logical progression of ideas, reflected in well-structured paragraphs. However, enhancing coherence could be achieved by more effectively linking these ideas, perhaps through more varied and precise transitional phrases. This would make the overall argument flow more smoothly for the reader.
Coherence & Cohesion
To boost cohesion within your essay, consider developing your main points with concrete examples that illustrate the societal and economic impacts of imbalanced compensation. Specific, real-world scenarios or statistical data could provide tangible support for your arguments, enhancing both the persuasiveness and the coherence of your writing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.