IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that all entertainment TV programme should educate people about the importance of social issue. To what extent do your agree or disagree.

#people #entertainment #tv #programme #importance
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It is argued that some
indviduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 believe that social
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 must be provided by all the TV
entertainment
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channels
Use synonyms
 . I completely disagree with the statement.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss that
parents
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 would be more
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
 about their
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
 and
people
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 might
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
loose
Correct your spelling
lose
show examples
 interest in
channels
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 . The prime reason
that
Correct word choice
apply
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why all
entertainment
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 sources do not educate about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social issues
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
parents
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 would be more
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
 about their surroundings after watching shows
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
states
Change the verb form
state
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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child abuse , sexual
harrassment
Correct your spelling
harassment
 and
rapes
Correct subject-verb agreement
rape
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 all the time .
As a result
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 ,
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 would suffer restrictions to go to public places like parks ,restaurants or others .
Additionally
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 , these shows would increase the strain on the
parents
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 for the safety of their children and
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 decisions that will deprive the growth of the children.
For instance
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, there are some countries , where
parents
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 do not allow their children to play in the
night time
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nighttime
show examples
 because of their security and
also
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 do not allow their daughters to go outside alone in the night. Another reason is that
people
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would
Verb problem
apply
show examples
show
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of interest in
the
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apply
show examples
entertainment
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 shows . Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Add a verb
people are
people were
show examples
 more likely to watch
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
channels
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 in order to stay happy and positive in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. If these
channels
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also
Linking Words
 share the story of social issues
everday
Correct your spelling
everyday
then
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 viewers would definitely not
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
 them again ,
pursue
Correct word choice
and pursue
show examples
 some other interests because nowadays everyone
have
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has
show examples
hectic
Add an article
a hectic
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 schedule to follow and dealing with a number of problems in their life and there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 some other
channels
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 which already convey messages on social issues like CNN and Aaj Tak news
channels
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 .
Therefore
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 , it should not be
manadatory
Correct your spelling
mandatory
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 all the
entertainment
Use synonyms
channels
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
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also
Linking Words
 educate about
this
Linking Words
 . In conclusion ,
people
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 think that all the enjoyment
channels
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 should educate about the social problems but
this
Linking Words
leds
Correct your spelling
leads
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
insecurity among
parents
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 about their young
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 and viewers would probably change their interest .
Submitted by kmlchahal97 on

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supported main points
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logical structure
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clear comprehensive ideas
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complete response
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coherence
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grammar and accuracy
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