Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening.

#technology #people #cellphone #security #cameras #cases

In the

last

few years, automation has developed rapidly. It is good for us,

on the contrary

Add the comma(s)

, on

show examples

the other hand, technology has many disadvantages. Hackers can now keep watch on

people

such

as stalking smartphones and computers. Most of the

people

are unaware and do not believe

this

This

essay discusses the merits and drawbacks of

this

machinery development. First of

all

Add a comma

all,

show examples

mention the disadvantages of technology. The internet and sites contain a number of information about

people

’s privacy, bank, family, and work information. These can be easily accessed by hackers and criminals who misuse them by blackmailing their targets for money extortion.

For example

, in Mongolia, attempts by hackers to break into

people

’s Facebook accounts and embezzle money from their insiders are rampant.

Although

there are negatives to

this

, positives are

also

present. There are many types of CCTV cameras in places where many

people

gather in cities and provinces.

Due to

the fact that cases

such

pick pocketing

Correct your spelling

pickpocketing

show examples

, injury to

people

and disappearance of children are extremely common in places where there are large crowds of

people

. It greatly helps law enforcement agencies,

individual

Correct word choice

and individual

show examples

victims, and is easy to find accused and reduce the crime rate in the city. In conclusion, some

people

are always stalking us on social media and most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

people

do not know it, especially older

people

Correct pronoun usage

who do

show examples

not believe it.

Therefore

, it is good for everyone to protect their mobile phones and computers with high protection.

On the other hand

, technological advancements like CCTV are watching and protecting every step of the way.

Submitted by buyabuya201 on Sun Mar 24 2024

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coherence cohesion

To improve coherence and cohesion, it's crucial to organize your ideas more logically, ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea and is followed by supporting details. Using a wider range of linking words and phrases can help to make the connections between your ideas clearer.

task achievement

For task response, ensure you fully address all parts of the prompt. This includes discussing not only the technology monitoring aspect but also the implications for the monitored individuals and societal impacts. Incorporate more specific examples and data to back up your points and make your argument stronger.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

263 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Surveillance
Cell phone tracking
Security cameras
Privacy invasion
Data security
Crime prevention
Transparency
Accountability
Customer service
Misuse of data
Breach
Identity theft
Autonomy
Efficiency
Psychological impact
Awareness

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Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening.

Fully explain your ideas

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

homelessness is increasing in many major cities around the world. what do you think are the main causes of this problem and what measures can be taken to solve it ?

Learning English at school is often seen as more important than learning local languages. If these are not taught, many are at risk of dying out. In your opinion, is it important for everyone to learn English? Should we try to ensure the survival of local languages and, if so, how?

Some people think that countries should limit the amount of food that they import and mainly eat products from their own country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that ast lessons such as painting and drawing lessons should be compulsory in secondary schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays the differences between countries are becoming less evident because people follow the same media. Do the advantage of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+