Many museums charge for admission while others are free . Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages .

While
some
museums
are free, other
museums
are required to pay
fee
Add an article
a fee
the fee
show examples
for
entrance
. I think having admission
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
for
museum’s
Change noun form
museums
show examples
advantages
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
outweigh the disadvantages.
This
essay will delve into why the
advantages
of having
charge
Correct article usage
a charge
show examples
for
museum
Correct article usage
a museum
show examples
ticket
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
outweigh its
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
. Free
entrance
museums
give
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
to
citizen
Add an article
the citizen
a citizen
show examples
,
as improving
Change preposition
to improve
show examples
their knowledge in
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
of fields.
Therefore
, visiting
free
Add an article
a free
the free
show examples
museum
is
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
opportunity to spend valuable time with
loved
Correct pronoun usage
loved ones
show examples
.
However
, there are valuable
advantages
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
free
museums
, I consider that
museums
need to charge because protecting our cultural
heritages
Fix the agreement mistake
heritage
show examples
and historical valuables are duty for everyone.
Instead
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
offering special
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
according to
the annual plan would be more important. Take,
for example
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Mongolia, there are events organized annually
such
as
Museum
week
Capitalize word
Week
show examples
and
people
can visit there
free
Change preposition
for free
show examples
during these days.
However
, buying
ticket
Add an article
a ticket
show examples
for
museum
Correct article usage
the museum
show examples
entrance
means protecting our cultural heritage and historical valuables.
This
is because
museum
requires plenty of costs for their normal operation and governments are allocated a lot of budgets for
this
sector.
However
,
this
allocation generally is not enough for normal
therefore
,
entrance
Add an article
an entrance
the entrance
show examples
fee
of
museums
usually is spent for protection.
For example
,
this
fund is spent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
fixing
museum
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
and buying special chemicals for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
protection.
As a result
, paying for
museum
entrance
means contributing normal operation of
museums
. Another important aspect
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
why
people
need to pay for
museum
ticket
Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
show examples
is the importance of value. Normally, if
people
pay for something from their pocket, they will realize as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
valuable.
Furthermore
, visitors may more pay attention
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
speech
Fix the agreement mistake
speeches
show examples
of curators because they
dedicated
Wrong verb form
dedicate
show examples
their time and money
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
As a result
/
consequently
people
may gain more knowledge than
people
who entered free.
To conclude
, having
fee
Add an article
a fee
show examples
for
museum
Correct article usage
a museum
show examples
should be suggested and
this
perspective’s
advantages
are more outweigh than disadvantages.
However
, offering free
museums
offer
Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
show examples
possibilities to enhance other’s knowledge, it can be offered for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
special
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
or only for
group
Add an article
a group
the group
show examples
of
people
.
Therefore
, I believe that contributing
history
Change preposition
to history
show examples
and cultural heritage is everyone’s responsibility.
Submitted by zulzayanyamkhu on

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task response
Ensure you fully answer the question and clearly state if the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Your introduction could be stronger by including a thesis statement that directly addresses the essay prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Improve your essay by organizing your ideas more logically and clearly. Use clear and varied transitional phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs, enhancing the flow of your essay.
task response & coherence and cohesion
To strengthen your argument, provide more detailed examples and evidence for your points. Also, ensure each body paragraph focuses on a single main idea for clarity and coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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