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Writing Samples
Band 5

Water pollution has been an increasing problem over the last few decades. What are the causes and effects of water pollution?

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In today’s fast-paced world,
water
Use synonyms
 contamination has become a serious phenomenon over a few ten-year periods.
This
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 essay will explore the causes behind
this
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 issue,
such
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 as factories and
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
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 of attention
of
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from
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government
Add an article
the government
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.
Also
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, we will take a look at some of the results of
water
Use synonyms
pollution
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such
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 as depletion of
water
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 sources. The primary reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
water
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pollution
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 is the toxins that
plants
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 and factories release
to
Change preposition
into
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 the rivers and seas.
Although
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 there are regulations which are imposed by the government, The management of these factories
ignore
Correct subject-verb agreement
ignores
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 them and
continue
Correct subject-verb agreement
continues
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 to pollute the
water
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. Another underlying factor is people’s lack of awareness as they damp their
trashes
Correct subject-verb agreement
trash
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 to the
water
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 and
also
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 they use
water
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 basins for swimming,
for example
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. Turning to the effects of
water
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pollution
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,
first
Correct article usage
the first
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resultant
Replace the word
result
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 that comes to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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mind is the depletion of
water
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 resources. Since individuals continue to pollute the
water
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 basins, there will be no
water
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 for even drinking.
Furthermore
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,
plants
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 will be affected profoundly
due to
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this
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 problem as there will not be enough
water
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 for irrigation. These effects aside, acid rain will be a major issue all over the world, which will have a profound impact on climate change. As the
water
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 cycle runs out of function, it will influence not only
plants
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,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
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 people and animals and even countries’ economic condition.
To sum up
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,
Water
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pollution
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 is a real and growing concern, with causes,
such
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 as toxic chemicals of
plants
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 and effects like shortage of
water
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 and deterioration of climate change. To alleviate
this
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 problem and save their future which is now being jeopardized by
this
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 concern, people should take steps.

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task achievement
You've done a good job explaining the causes and effects of water pollution, but the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and data to support your main points. This would make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a smooth flow of ideas by linking sentences and paragraphs more clearly. Use a range of cohesive devices beyond just 'also' and 'furthermore'. This will help in making your essay more coherent and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened. Specifically, your introduction should more clearly outline the points you will discuss, and your conclusion should succinctly summarize these points while restating the significance of the topic.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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