Some children spend hours a day on their smartphones.

In recent years, the usage of
smartphones
among
children
has increased significantly. Many
children
spend hours daily on
smartphones
. There are several
reasons
why
this
trend is gaining momentum, and opinions are divided on whether
this
development is positive or negative. In
this
essay, I will discuss the
reasons
behind the increasing usage of
smartphones
among
children
and present my view on how
this
is a negative development. One of the
reasons
why
children
began to spend more
time
on
smartphones
is the digitalization of society. Today's generation is accustomed to solving all possible issues with the help of gadgets: working using technology, relaxing by watching movies and listening to music, and even shopping has become mostly online.
Children
in
this
sense are no exception and only do the same as the rest of the world.
However
, the next reason for large screen
time
of
children
is the lack of real communication. The modern world has become so fast that even young
children
sometimes do not have enough
time
to go out and play with friends, as they are constantly busy with school and extracurricular activities.
Therefore
, it is easier for
children
to write several messages to their friends than to have
time
to meet them in person.
Thirdly
, the reason for the widespread use of
smartphones
among
children
can be attributed to marketing companies of digital businesses. Social networks
such
as Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and others are trying to change their interface so much that people become dependent on these applications and spend as much
time
as possible in them, which, of course, affects
children
as well. In my opinion,
children
's excessive use of
smartphones
is more a negative fact than a positive one. A large amount of screen
time
can lead to various health problems: blurred vision, deterioration of posture, problems with attention.
In addition
,
smartphones
also
affect the mental health of both
children
and adults. They cause people to worry more and spend less
time
in the present rather than thinking about the past and future.
Finally
, the online environment can make it difficult for
children
to communicate in real life. The more adults neglect
children
's need to have free
time
to communicate with peers, the more often they will communicate online and thereby lose empathy and socialization skills. In conclusion, the increasing usage of
smartphones
among
children
is a concerning trend. There are many
reasons
why
smartphones
have become a part of the lives of
children
and teenagers today, but society needs to find solutions to all these
reasons
to help
children
spend less
time
online and more
time
in the real world.
Otherwise
, they will inevitably face problems with mental and physical health, and it will
also
be more difficult for them to assimilate into society.
Submitted by julykryuchkova on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. This helps in structuring your essay more logically and makes your arguments more compelling.
task achievement
For a higher score in Task Achievement, try to include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This helps in demonstrating a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
To improve in terms of coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are well structured, try to make your conclusion more impactful by summarizing your arguments more strongly and stating your opinion clearly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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