IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that giving longer prison sentences is the best way to reduce crime. Others believe that there are better ways to reduce crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #prison #sentences #crime
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Crime
 rates in other countries are increasing continuously. Some argue that staying longer in prison for the convicted is the key to reducing the
crime
 rate.
While
 others believe that there are far better solutions to reduce
crime
. In
this
 ,essay I will discuss both views in detail and share my opinion. Sentencing a convict to stay longer inside the prison is not that beneficial and practical in the long run.
Furthermore
, Prisoners' necessities are being paid by the
citizens
Change noun form
citizen's
citizens'
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hard-earned money, the tax. It is better for the
government
 to give support to those who are freed so that they can adapt easily when they go back to society. In more detail, the
government
 should focus on being firm with the law.
Moreover
, the
crime
 rate depends on how the
government
 in the country manages and imposes rules and regulations.
For instance
, in the
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Philippines there are plenty of laws but
due to
 weak ,implementation it is rendered ineffective.
Also
, authorities should be fair
as well as
 strict to all its constituents. They shouldn't base it
according to
 the status of the offender. It is proven that a stern
government
 can minimise the number of crimes an example is the Singaporean
government
. People will think twice about doing something illegal. Discipline is the key.
To conclude
, I believe that giving prisoners longer sentences is not efficient.
On the contrary
, the
Government
 should focus more on the implementation of the law.
In addition
, they should act more firmly in doing so,
thus
 people will think twice before committing a
crime
.
Submitted by Anneya on

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task response
Ensure that the essay fully addresses the task prompt, providing a balanced discussion of both views and a clear personal opinion. In addition, use specific examples and evidence to support the points made.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, but there are instances of disorganization and lack of clarity in the relationships between ideas. Use transition words and phrases to improve the coherence and flow of the essay.
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary used, including more precise and varied language to express ideas. Additionally, ensure the appropriate use of collocations and idiomatic expressions.
grammatical range
Demonstrate a wider range of sentence structures and grammatical forms. Use complex and compound sentences to convey ideas more effectively. Also, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence construction.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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