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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In recent years, people in many countries have been able to afford more material possessions such as electronic kitchen appliances, computers, and vehicles. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this increased level of affluence, and give your opinion about whether this is a positive or negative development.

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It has become more common for
people
Use synonyms
 to purchase more convenient materials including kitchen appliances, computers and vehicles. I believe that
this
Linking Words
 is a positive development as they facilitate their life regardless of the potential negative outcome of environmental destruction
due to
Linking Words
 a sudden rise in waste. On the one hand, the prevalent use of modern electric items is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 positive development since they allow
people
Use synonyms
 to save time and energy.
In other words
Linking Words
, they are able to have a more satisfactory life thanks to recent inventions, which have replaced many conventional works.
For instance
Linking Words
, a computer, which is one of the advanced tools today, has enabled
people
Use synonyms
 to refer to an excessive amount of information
as well as
Linking Words
 store digital data on a device, reducing the need to file each page, which used to take forever.
Therefore
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,
people
Use synonyms
 are able to devote themselves more to creative work and establishing intimate relationships with others
instead
Linking Words
 of spending many hours on laborious paperwork.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the growing access to the latest tools will bring about some negative consequences as they harm the environment when they are thrown away by rude consumers. Indeed, the illegal waste of electric tools has become an imminent issue especially as
people
Use synonyms
 are able to afford them at a lower cost than in the past.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the accumulation of wasted products leads to a growing level of CO2 and harmful substances when they are burnt, posing serious damage to the environment.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to the increasing convenience and comfort for humans, wild animals will be primary victims as they lose more habitat. In conclusion, I believe that growing access to modern materials is beneficial from the perspective of humans as they greatly reduce the physical workload.
However
Linking Words
, there is a potential side effect on the environment, which is severely damaged by the increase in electric waste.

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score in task response, try to expand slightly on the explanation of the negative impacts and elaborate on more global consequences or solutions.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the use of linking words is good, but you could improve by adding more varied connectors and cohesive devices to enhance the fluidity of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented and effectively set the context and summarize the ideas discussed.
task achievement
The essay covers both the advantages and disadvantages in equal measure, providing a balanced discussion.
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