IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Music
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 has been enjoyed as an art form since ancient times, but its reach was limited.
However
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, in today’s world, everyone has access to a wide range of
music
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.
While
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 I partially agree with
this
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 statement, I believe
music
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 alone should not be the only skill that we possess to socialize ourselves with other age groups and societies.
To begin
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 with, through songs,
people
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 can learn about the significance of other cultures around the world, as
music
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 has always reflected it. Which makes them eligible in a way to interact with other
people
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 in a certain way.
Moreover
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,
music
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 concerts are a great way to bring
people
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 of different ages and cultures together.
For example
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, Taylor Swift’s
music
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 is known worldwide, and when she performs in another country, a huge crowd gathers at her
music
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 festivals.
Music
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 has the power to bring
people
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 together in many ways.
However
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, various other aspects can play a vital role in bringing
people
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 close to each other.
Firstly
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, the understanding of different languages can help a bilingual person to interact with others who don’t speak the same language as them.
Finally
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, anyone who knows about the history of the world can readily accepted by other groups.
This
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 is Because
such
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 a person can talk about interesting incidents that excite others.
For example
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, someone who knows about Vikings can easily start a conversation with the
people
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 of Norway, thereby strengthening their relationship. In conclusion,
while
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Music
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 has the power to bring
people
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 together in many ways, other factors
such
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 as history and languages are
also
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 essential parts of creating a bond between different types of
people
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.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Work on developing a more coherent logical structure in your essay by ensuring each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Use more varied transitional phrases to enhance this.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are both clearly stated, giving a succinct overview of your stance at the beginning and summarising your key points at the end.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support your main arguments with more specific examples and evidence. This will help in making your essay more persuasive and engaging for the reader.
Task Achievement
Make sure to fully address the task prompt by discussing the extent to which you agree or disagree with the provided statement. Give clear and comprehensive reasons for your stance, supported by detailed examples.
Task Achievement
Your essay should include clear, comprehensive ideas that directly relate to the task question. Consider each paragraph's main idea and how it contributes to your overall argument.
Task Achievement
To strengthen your task achievement score, incorporate more relevant and specific examples that substantiate your claims. This will help in demonstrating a deeper understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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