IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think computers and the Internet are more important in child’s education. Others believe that schools and teachers are essential for children to learn. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In developing epochs, modern technologies are becoming popular. Some humans believe that social media and computers are crucial in children's studies.
However
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, others view pupils are able to study positive impact in
schools
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 and with teachers.
This
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 essay discusses how both are essential for effective learning.
To begin
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 with, these days people cannot imagine their lives without hi-tech.
As a result
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, they spend a lot of time with smartphones and computers. But technology advanced is the number of easily. We are using them in almost all fields.
For example
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, medicine, education and others.
As a result
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 , The efficiency of the work level is increasing. The field of education is changing to positive results in a few decades.
For instance
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, the government provide all
schools
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 with electronic desks modern furniture and other gadgets.
Consequently
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, some
schools
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. are based on the IT department. Namely, these
schools
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 teach computer functions and use different programs for students.
That is
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 why, the demand for these
schools
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 is growing day by day. Because many devices are managed by computer. In conclusion, the most successful way of learning is through teachers and students. Other than studies there are a lot more extracurriculars and sports a pupil can benefit from.

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task achievement
Your introduction could be stronger. Consider explicitly stating your views on the importance of computers versus schools and teachers in education. This will help in meeting the task's requirements more effectively.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. Mentioning specific educational programs, studies, or real-world applications of technology in education would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure which makes it difficult to follow. Try to organize your thoughts into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea supported by examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined and reflect the content and stance of your essay. This will enhance the coherence and cohesion of your writing.
task achievement
Work on the development of your arguments. Expand on your points by explaining how and why technology or teacher-led instruction benefits child education, providing a balanced view before stating your opinion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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