In some countries, only few young people go to classical music concerts or or play classical music. Why? Should young people be encouraged to attend and learn more?
In contemporary times,
music
plays an essential role for teenagers , particularly classical music
. It is a fact that the number of young visitors to its concerts decreased over time. This
essay will first look at the causes before turning to the answers that the youths should be encouraged to be more interested or not.
To begin
with, it is undoubtedly that young individuals have many hobbies. There are several reasons why teenagers are less interested in classical music
. Firstly
, they prefer playing sports to watching classical music
shows because they realize that sports have benefits for their bodies. For example
, girls and boys spend time at the gym to shape their bodies or to maintain their weights. Secondly
, They prefer to watch movies in the cinema rather than attending music
concerts because the price is not affordable. However
, watching their favourite movies like romantic comedies or superhero films, it
can make them feel better and relaxed about the pressure in school. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Although
there are young people who like music
concerts, they prefer to attend pop song music
shows because they can experience incredible feelings with their friends.
However
, it does not mean that classical music
is not essential for young individuals. It plays a vital role in developing the brains of children
and making people feel comfortable whenever the music
is playing. Adults should introduce classical music
to youngsters but they should not force them to learn more about it because as I mentioned before, every child has their own hobbies and the talents of children
are different. Therefore
, parents should support and motivate their children
to enhance their talents.
To sum up
, the youths have their own perspectives and reasons about why they are not interested in classical music
. I agree that classical music
should exist in young people. However
, the decision to learn more about it should be considered by parents due to
the hobbies and talents of the children
.Submitted by innezgracias on
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Task Achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint. Although your introduction mentions a decline in young people's interest in classical music, it could be strengthened by a clearer thesis statement that directly addresses the question.
Task Achievement
Work on developing specific examples to support your points. While you touch on reasons young people may prefer other activities, more detailed examples or explanations would bolster your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is cohesively linked to the rest of the essay. While the essay structure is logical, smoother transitions and clearer topic sentences could enhance readability and flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., moreover, consequently, in contrast) to create smoother transitions between sentences and ideas.
Task Achievement
Even though your ideas are relevant, strive for a deeper exploration of the topic. This involves not just stating that young people have their reasons or should be encouraged to engage with classical music, but exploring these reasons and incentives in greater depth.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.