Olympic games very very important and respected in the past. However, some people say that technological improvements have reduced the importance of Olympic games in this 21st-century do you agree or disagree with this

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is evident that international
games
Use synonyms
are losing their respect in the society. Some people would argue that advancements in the technology field have turned
this
Linking Words
upside down
while
Linking Words
others believe that
this
Linking Words
statement is not factual. In my opinion, I completely agree that modern advancements taking precedence over the traditional valued
games
Use synonyms
because of the
lack
Use synonyms
of motivation among children at their young age and the attractiveness of today's virtual world. The primary reason why Olympic
Games
Use synonyms
lost their identity is, because of the
lack
Use synonyms
of encouragement and motivation among the younger population. Schools and colleges are concentrating on the academic modules rather than focusing on the athletic part to attract parents for new admissions.
In addition
Linking Words
to that, these institutions
lack
Use synonyms
physical training for the students and there begins the devoid of interest.
For Example
Linking Words
, a Substantial amount of students are focusing on professional courses like Engineering, MBBS, etc to gain decent attention from society.
Thus
Linking Words
, they completely lose their focus on the benefits of physical fitness and competition in the
games
Use synonyms
. The second main reason is that the availability of online
games
Use synonyms
and gadgets nowadays attracts the younger generation in the form of addiction.
While
Linking Words
everyone completely relies upon virtual mediums for their homework, presentations and assignments, it traps them in the Artificial intelligence world.
However
Linking Words
young minds being exposed to another level of advancement introduces more curiosity to explore
further
Linking Words
than being engaged on the ground for practice.
Moreover
Linking Words
, those who fall into the trap of these applications and forums will begin to live a sedentary lifestyle.
For instance
Linking Words
, Virtual reality
games
Use synonyms
and social media are
one
Correct determiner usage
some
show examples
of the prominent reasons for the
lack
Use synonyms
of reduced importance in
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
games
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I wholeheartedly agree that technological improvements have reduced the significance of athletic
games
Use synonyms
in
this
Linking Words
modern world because of the younger generation's mindset and upgradation level and the
lack
Use synonyms
of coaching and guidance in
this
Linking Words
field effectively to motivate them.
Submitted by chandralekha1993 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Analyze the question carefully to ensure your essay directly responds to the prompt. This essay does a good job in discussing the impact of technology on the importance of the Olympic Games, which directly addresses the essay question.
Task Achievement
Be clear and concise in your introduction. While your introduction currently sets the stage well, ensuring that your thesis statement is clear can help the reader understand your stance immediately.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs are well-structured and present clear main ideas, followed by supporting information. This essay demonstrates a good understanding of paragraph structure, promoting clear communication of ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly. Though your essay utilises some transition phrases, increasing the variety can enhance the readability and flow.
Task Achievement
Providing specific examples to support your points strengthens your argument. The essay includes relevant examples; however, expanding on these examples or including additional ones could further enhance your argument's credibility.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: