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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #work #determination #factors #money #appearance
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Some
people
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 argue that various achievements in life are reached through intensive and hard
work
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whereas
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 proponents believe that riches and
appearance
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 are more important. I contend that determination and hard
work
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 are needed to gain
success
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,
however
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, other factors still play a vital role.
To begin
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, hard
work
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 is necessary to gain advance.
This
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 is because diligence allows
people
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 to show their ability, gain opportunities and reach a plethora of achievements.
For example
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, teenagers
work
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 hard in their high-school learning process to enrol in gift universities or win a scholarship which provides them with the possibility to get an available education.
Moreover
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, determination is one of the main factors which leads to
success
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. In order words, on the way to
success
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, there will be many failures so without resoluteness,
people
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 easy to compromise and quit. Take Nick Vuijc as an example, if he had not determined to do everything by himself even with the disability of his hands and feet, he would not be as successful and independent as he now
However
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, other factors are
also
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 important,
appearance
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 is the first thing.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that
people
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 with good
appearance
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 usually have more priority than other competitors, which means they have more chances to show their abilities and get a promotion at
work
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.
For instance
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, the head of flight attendants needed to adopt both requirements about
appearance
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 and specialized skills.
Additionally
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, relationships are considered important reason. To explain, having relationships provides instructions and support for interns.
According to
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 the New York Times, almost all famous actors have connections with media tycoons in order to offer them rich sources of film projects.
Thus
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 relationships play an essential capacity in the
success
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 of art-related careers.

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task achievement
Good job providing relevant examples to support your points.
task achievement
The essay meets the general requirements of the task by discussing both views and providing an opinion.
coherence cohesion
Overall logical structure is clear with distinct paragraphs for each main idea.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • effort
  • tenacity
  • external factors
  • financial resources
  • favorable appearance
  • perceptions
  • advantages
  • intrinsic
  • extrinsic
  • sustainable
  • facilitating
  • undeniable
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