IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that success in life comes from hard-working and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #determination #factors #money #appearance
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Whether success stems from industriousness and devotion or other elements including wealth and beauty is a highly subjective discussion point.
However
, from prior experience, hard work and determination
is
Change the verb form
are
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 more worth considering
due to
 motivation and admiration compared with the idea of
impression
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the impression
an impression
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 made by external factors. It must be recognized that internal values strongly affect one’s effort to reach established goals.
This
 is because, people always try to achieve their dreams,
without
Correct word choice
and without
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 great determination,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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progress can be halted mid-way.
As a result
, the goals which have been set could never be accomplished, which should be considered as a failure.
Therefore
, it is easy to understand why those elements are strongly required not only in
business
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the business
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 world but
also
 in normal daily life.
Nonetheless
, an opposing opinion comes from numerous critics
point
Correct pronoun usage
who point
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 out that without appearance or wealth, dreams can hardly come true.
This
 belief is based on the term “first impression”
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is generally mentioned as a key element that leads to success.
The external
Correct article usage
External
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 factors are increasingly used as criteria for valuing people as those are the first things that are caught in the eyes of the opposite person in a conversation.
As a consequence
, without these, they argued, opportunities for promotion can never be achieved.
However
, it must be acknowledged that these values can easily be washed away
along with
 time,
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
make
Change the verb form
makes
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 them hard to be considered as the most important criteria for grading someone.
This
 author believes that nowadays, traditional values still remain crucial and so do them in the future. As long as a strong spirit
continue
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continues
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 to exist in one’s mind towards the target, not only failures are reduced but
also
 the respect from the other can be improved.
This
, in turn, can make the way to
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieving
show examples
 goals easier.
Hence
, high motivation and earning respect are essential points that need to be considered.
Thus
, showing that hard work and devotion ought to be valued more.

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task response
Be sure to clearly introduce both views at the beginning of your essay. This will set a good foundation for a balanced discussion throughout your text.
coherence cohesion
Utilize a wider variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your essay. This will improve the coherence and cohesion of your writing.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Real-world evidence or hypothetical scenarios can make your arguments more convincing and relevant.
task response
Consider concluding your essay with a stronger, more definitive stance. A clear, compelling conclusion reinforces your overall argument and leaves a lasting impression on the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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