Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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A controversial discussion point is whether achieving a successful
life
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requires diligence and determination rather than other factors
such
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as fortune and appearance. Despite the writer contending that conscientiousness and perseverance play a crucial role in
success
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, people believed that other aspects are more considered. In light of the proliferation of job demands, it is vital to understand that diligent work and unwavering attitudes are undoubtedly essential for
success
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, especially in several domains. In the professional field, individuals who show initiative tend to be promoted in career prospects which require dedication and hard work. In the educational field, students who desire to enrol in prestigious universities like Harvard must be studious and exert resoluteness to achieve
such
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a goal.
However
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, critics argued that other elements would
also
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directly influence the achievements. It must be acknowledged that a stable financial background not only assists individuals to get better education in their specific field but
also
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leads to more opportunities to achieve greater milestones in later growth.
Furthermore
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, a polished appearance can significantly influence how one is perceived, leading to preferential treatment in situations
such
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as job applications.
This
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point is credible but these factors will merely help with initial starts, achievements in
life
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also
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require long-term effort which cannot be afforded by money.
This
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writer advocates the opinion that being perseverant and determined will lead to progress in
life
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.
In other words
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, diligence in performance not only expands the career path
on the contrary
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also
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gain more knowledge and experience leading to flexibility in case of facing failures.
Furthermore
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, resoluteness will receive admiration and assistance from colleagues leading to the possibility of
success
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.
Thus
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, hard effort and determination are preferable
instead
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of other aspects. In conclusion,
while
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critics believe that money and appearance are more likely to affect
success
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in
life
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, I would favour conscientiousness and diligence for the aforementioned reasons.
Therefore
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, people should focus on their quality
instead
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of depending on other elements to succeed.

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clear comprehensive ideas
While your ideas are generally clear, there are some sentences where the phrasing can be improved. Try to simplify complex sentences to ensure your ideas are communicated effectively.
clear comprehensive ideas
Some sentences have minor grammatical issues. Reviewing basic grammar rules and seeking feedback from others can help improve grammatical accuracy.
complete response
You have successfully presented both viewpoints and provided your opinion in a balanced way, which demonstrates a good understanding of the task.
logical structure
The essay has a logical structure with well-defined introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph flows well into the next, which aids readability.
relevant specific examples
You have provided relevant examples to support your main points, which helps to strengthen your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay and reinforces your opinion on the topic, providing a strong ending.
supported main points
You have maintained a good level of coherence throughout the essay, and your points are generally well-supported.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • effort
  • tenacity
  • external factors
  • financial resources
  • favorable appearance
  • perceptions
  • advantages
  • intrinsic
  • extrinsic
  • sustainable
  • facilitating
  • undeniable
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