Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both view and give your opinion.
It is thought that determination and hard work bring accomplishment to life because
people
gain more recognition when they are determined enough, while
others argue that appearance and money are some of the most vital factors due to
their benefit. Personally, this
writer believes that using capital and beauty is unfair and that determined community
deserve more.
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
To begin
, people
can become successful by hard work and determination because their effort
can be recognized. To explain, hard-working workers spend more time and energy on Fix the agreement mistake
efforts
job
so they may do the job more effectively and successfully. Add an article
the job
Therefore
, their determination will be seen and will satisfy other people
and they will be able to be promoted and be successful. For example
, a student studying determinatively can do the exams more effectively and perfectly so that their results will be a satisfaction to the teachers and that student will be recognized and become successful easily in the future.
To continue, money and appearance are taken advantage of to succeed because of their benefits. In explanation, people
need payment and love so that they can do everything for those who own both of them. For that reason, they are able to buy degrees and qualifications or use that wealth to get a job without any interviews or even buy fame to be successful. Consequently
, without being hardworking or determined, those successful people
will be bankrupt or fail in the future and the accomplishment will not be long-term.
In conclusion, this
writer thinks that being hard-working and trying the best is an ideal way to succeed. Moreover
, using money and appearance only causes people
to fail after a short-term achievement.Submitted by [email protected] on
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task achievement
Your essay does a good job of presenting both views and providing your opinion. However, you need to delve deeper into your arguments and provide more thorough explanations and examples to strengthen your point.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Some sentences feel abrupt and disconnected from the previous one. Adding transitional phrases can help.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by making sure your arguments are built up more cohesively. It could be beneficial to expand on each point before moving to the next one, to avoid seeming too brief or vague.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are clear and well-structured. They frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
You have addressed both views and given your own opinion, fulfilling the task requirements.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.