Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #work #determination #factors #money #appearance

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Whether achievements in life start from hard

work

Use synonyms

and the strength of the will or

comes

Correct subject-verb agreement

come

show examples

from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

outlook and money is

such

Linking Words

a controversial point.

This

Linking Words

writer believes that it is talent and diligence that success rises from

due to

Linking Words

the ability to solve the problem from the smallest thing rather than just use the money to come up with it. It must be recognized that the industrious one will start from the smallest elements.

This

Linking Words

is because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

they do not want any unexpected problems to arise throughout the process.

As a consequence

Linking Words

, they will deal with the problem exhaustively, so it can lead them to many triumphs.

Therefore

Linking Words

, it is easy to understand why hard

work

Use synonyms

is more vital than beauty and economic potential.

However

Linking Words

, some people argue that cash and outlook can break many obstacles.

This

Linking Words

belief is based on the strength of the relationship that economics and beauty are able to form, whether it is derived from themselves or not.

This

Linking Words

may be true, but if anything comes from you without your abilities, it will not be yourselves so it will not steady.

Hence

Linking Words

, economics and appearance

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

important, but it not always everything

This

Linking Words

writer believes that hard

work

Use synonyms

is the most important element of triumph.

This

Linking Words

is because industrious will lead to many achievements, neither do money and appearance. Because of

this

Linking Words

, each employee should focus on diligence rather than the outlook. In conclusion,

this

Linking Words

essay has shown that the main factor of success is hard

work

Use synonyms

Therefore

Linking Words

industriousness is more favourable than economic potential and appearance.

Mon Mar 25 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Present a clear introduction that outlines your main points and conclusion. Your essay starts suddenly by discussing the importance of talent and diligence, which can be confusing. Introducing your argument with a clear statement would make your position clearer to the reader.

coherence cohesion

Use a wider range of cohesive devices to logically connect your ideas and paragraphs. While your essay is structured, it lacks varied linking phrases that can make the flow smoother.

task achievement

Include more specific examples to support your arguments. Your essay mentions general ideas about hard work and the benefits of diligence, but real-world examples or hypothetical scenarios could strengthen your claims.

task achievement

Though you have presented your opinion, try to explore the opposing view in more depth. Discussing counterarguments more elaborately before refuting them could enrich your essay's content.

coherence cohesion

Be cautious with spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'industrious will lead to many achievements, neither do money and appearance.' Review your essay to correct these mistakes, as they can detract from your overall message.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

263 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

perseverance
discipline
resilience
effort
tenacity
external factors
financial resources
favorable appearance
perceptions
advantages
intrinsic
extrinsic
sustainable
facilitating
undeniable

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
Some people believe that technology has made man more social. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Information and communication technology has changed rapidly over the past 20 years, with a key development being the emergence of social media. It plays a role enhancing and improving people's social lives. however, social media overuse also hidden various risks to their mental health and communication. I will analyze this issue from my personal perspective.
5
band
There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Students nowadays are under a lot of pressure to achieve academical success in order to get into a good university or secure a well paid job. For this reason some people argue that schools need to focus on academic subjects and vocational subjects should therefore not taught at schools. I would argue that while academic skills are important, schools need to teach a wide range of both academic and more skills-based subjects.
4.5
band
Some people think that using animal for experiment is cruel but other people think that it is necessary for the development of science.Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Scientists use animals for their scientific experiments. Although some elites find this method violent, others believe this is required to level up science. I reckon this approach is beneficial because they are the best alternatives of human testing as well as the only available candidates in many cases. However, there are some drawbacks.
5
band
These days, more and more people are going to other countries for significant periods of time, either to find a job or to study. There are clearly many benefits to doing this, but people who live abroad can also face some difficulties. Discuss the advantages and disadvatages of working and living in a foreign country.
Success has long been synonymous with wealth and material possessions in our society. However, a closer examination reveals that this definition is narrow and limiting. While financial prosperity certainly plays a role in measuring success, it cannot encapsulate the entirety of what it means to be successful. In this essay, we will explore why wealth alone is not the best measure of success and what truly makes a person successful.
5
band
Some people prefer to carefully plan activities in their free time others think it’s a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your answer?
For some people planing is a key aspect in every event, while for others it seems like unnecessary and time consuming activity. Plan is a step by step strict algorithm, and people can easily follow it to accomplish a task. However, on the other hand, people think that it is mostly unreal to create a plan that will work out with high probability. In my opinion, plan can help to concentrate and control situation.

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Some people believe that technology has made man more social. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people think that using animal for experiment is cruel but other people think that it is necessary for the development of science.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people prefer to carefully plan activities in their free time others think it’s a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your answer?