Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both view and give your opinion.
Whether achievements in life start from hard
work
and the strength of the will or comes
from Correct subject-verb agreement
come
the
outlook and money is Correct article usage
apply
such
a controversial point. This
writer believes that it is talent and diligence that success rises from due to
the ability to solve the problem from the smallest thing rather than just use the money to come up with it.
It must be recognized that the industrious one will start from the smallest elements. This
is because,
they do not want any unexpected problems to arise throughout the process. Remove the comma
apply
As a consequence
, they will deal with the problem exhaustively, so it can lead them to many triumphs. Therefore
, it is easy to understand why hard work
is more vital than beauty and economic potential.
However
, some people argue that cash and outlook can break many obstacles. This
belief is based on the strength of the relationship that economics and beauty are able to form, whether it is derived from themselves or not. This
may be true, but if anything comes from you without your abilities, it will not be yourselves so it will not steady. Hence
, economics and appearance is
important, but it not always everything
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
This
writer believes that hard work
is the most important element of triumph. This
is because industrious will lead to many achievements, neither do money and appearance. Because of this
, each employee should focus on diligence rather than the outlook.
In conclusion, this
essay has shown that the main factor of success is hard work
. Therefore
industriousness is more favourable than economic potential and appearance.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Present a clear introduction that outlines your main points and conclusion. Your essay starts suddenly by discussing the importance of talent and diligence, which can be confusing. Introducing your argument with a clear statement would make your position clearer to the reader.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to logically connect your ideas and paragraphs. While your essay is structured, it lacks varied linking phrases that can make the flow smoother.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. Your essay mentions general ideas about hard work and the benefits of diligence, but real-world examples or hypothetical scenarios could strengthen your claims.
task achievement
Though you have presented your opinion, try to explore the opposing view in more depth. Discussing counterarguments more elaborately before refuting them could enrich your essay's content.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious with spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'industrious will lead to many achievements, neither do money and appearance.' Review your essay to correct these mistakes, as they can detract from your overall message.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.