IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In today's world, some
people
Use synonyms
sugest
Correct your spelling
suggest
 that the price of sweet food and drink should be added as
people
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 may be exposed to
healthy
Replace the word
health
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 issues
due to
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a
Correct article usage
the
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 large amount of
sugar
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 contained in eatable things. I partly agree with
this
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 point of view
while
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 other
solusions
Correct your spelling
solutions
 should
also
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 be
sonsidered
Correct your spelling
considered
.
Firstly
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, expensive sugary
products
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 may prevent
people
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 from
keeping
Verb problem
apply
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consuming high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of candies because the cost is likely to be unaffordable for some
people
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 to continuously purchase
sugar
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.
For example
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, as for the expensive cost, it is less possibly for children to buy candies themselves which may lead to poor health in teeth conditions and high
level
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levels
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 of blood
sugar
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 in the future.
Then
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this
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 method may cause a bright future for less consumption of
sugar
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due to
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 expensive
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 and the
mass
Fix the agreement mistake
masses
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 able to gain the opportunity to live a better life with healthy standards.
However
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,
this
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 method sometimes can be unfair
which
Correct word choice
and
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 may not reduce the consumption of
sugar
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 evidently.
Since extreming
Change preposition
Extreming
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 expensive food
products
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contained
Wrong verb form
containing
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 candy may limit some needy
people
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 to purchase and absorb
sugar
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 which is an important nutrition for
human
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humans
show examples
.
For instance
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,
people
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 with low income and
people
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 living in poverty often face difficulties in consuming sweets which are able to provide them with energy and low
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 blood
sugar
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 or low
absorbption
Correct your spelling
absorption
 in
nutritions
Fix the agreement mistake
nutrition
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 is
also
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 likely to lead to bad body conditions. So high
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 of sugary
products
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 can only solve the surface of the problem but not cut down the root. In conclusion, food and drink manufactured by plenty of candies should be restricted through introducing high expense on
products
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although
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 there may be some negative impact on some specific aspects sometimes.

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logical structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion. This will improve the readability and coherence of your text.
introduction conclusion present
In your introduction and conclusion, clearly state your position on the topic. This helps to guide the reader and sets the tone for your argument.
supported main points
Develop your main points by providing stronger, more varied examples and evidence. This will make your argument more convincing and your essay richer in content.
complete response
Answer all parts of the question thoroughly to meet the requirements of the task. This includes providing a balanced discussion and including specific examples where appropriate.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and develop your ideas further to ensure the reader can easily follow your argument. Aim for precision in language to express your viewpoints clearly.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate more detailed and relevant examples to support your arguments. This strengthens your essay by showing real-world applications or implications of your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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