Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #success #life #work #determination #factors #money #appearance

The notion of

success

in life is often perceived through different lenses, with contrasting views regarding its primary determinants. On one hand, there's a prevailing belief that

success

is predominantly achieved through hard

work

and

determination

. Proponents of

this

viewpoint argue that individuals who exhibit unwavering commitment and resilience are more likely to overcome obstacles and achieve their goals. They emphasize the importance of diligence, perseverance, and self-discipline in navigating life's challenges and realizing one's aspirations.

Conversely

, another perspective posits that factors

such

as financial resources and physical appearance hold greater sway in determining

success

. Advocates of

this

stance argue that individuals born into wealth or possessing attractive attributes often have a significant advantage in various domains, including education, career opportunities, and social status. They contend that access to resources and societal perceptions of attractiveness can disproportionately influence an individual's trajectory, overshadowing the significance of hard

work

and

determination

. In my view,

while

both perspectives offer valuable insights, neither paints a complete picture of

success

. Hard

work

and

determination

undoubtedly play a crucial role in achieving goals and overcoming obstacles.

However

, it would be naive to discount the influence of external factors like financial resources and appearance, which can shape opportunities and outcomes in profound ways.

While

hard

work

can mitigate some disadvantages, systemic inequalities rooted in socioeconomic disparities and societal biases can pose formidable barriers to

success

for many individuals. Ultimately, I believe

success

is a multifaceted concept that encompasses a combination of personal effort,

favorable

Change the spelling

favourable

show examples

circumstances, and systemic support.

While

hard

work

and

determination

are essential ingredients, addressing broader societal issues

such

as income inequality and discrimination is equally crucial in fostering a more equitable environment where everyone has a fair chance to succeed.

Mon Mar 25 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement

To elevate the task achievement score further, incorporate more specific examples to substantiate your arguments. While the essay presents a nuanced discussion, integrating real-world examples or studies could enhance the credibility and depth of your analysis.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, with a well-organized structure and clear progression of ideas. To refine further, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs by using a wider range of linking words and phrases. This will enhance the flow of your essay and reinforce the connections between your main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

286 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

perseverance
discipline
resilience
effort
tenacity
external factors
financial resources
favorable appearance
perceptions
advantages
intrinsic
extrinsic
sustainable
facilitating
undeniable

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
Write a letter to a museum's manager after visting the museum. Give some advice for improvement as you had a mixed experience.
I am writing this letter to share my mixed experience with you after visiting the London's history museum. Last week, I decided to visit this great museum with my few close friends. As the website of your museum has mentioned that enterance is allowed after 9am, we arrived on the ticket counter around 10:00 am. However, the gate keeper did not allow the entrance till 11 am. Moreover, the customer service was not satisfactory in the museum, as there was no tourist guide available for the local community. In my opinion, the opening and closing time of the museum should be same on both website and enterance gate of the place, otherwise it will harm the reputation of your place.
7
band
Write a letter to a friend who invited you to visit them in their country. Express your appreciation of the invitation Write the date of the visit Write about the things you want to do there
My friend Alex worked in a travel agency. He journeys to many foreign countries. Since Alex often travels alone, he invited me to accompany him on his next trip
6.5
band
Many high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. So, companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
With the development of gender equality sentiments, an increasing number of employees are women recently. However, an unfair social fact is that most advanced-level positions still prefer males, still has been common. Ergo, some individuals have proposed that companies are responsible for following a new rule, which allocates a certain percentage of high-level positions are women. In this essay, I will explore both sides of this proposal by highlighting positive and negative aspects, arguing for a balanced view.
7.5
band
Everyone should become vegetarian because they do not need to eat meat for a healthy diet. Agree or disagree?
Having a veggie foodstuff lifestyle is a controversial debate subject, with advocating for non-veg as an optimal one. A number of people believe that humanity does not ought to eat meat in meals to be healthy. I firmly disagree with this statement which will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
5
band
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others belive that chikdren who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
In this cutting age era, some individuals believe that child should be encouraged to compete with other children, while other argue that they should grow up without competing with others. Infact they should learn how to cooperate, which can lead them to get success. From my perspective, encouraging competition from early age can be more beneficial because nowadays almost all work need a great effort and competing with others make them achieve great things in life.

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Include an introduction and conclusion

Write a letter to a museum's manager after visting the museum. Give some advice for improvement as you had a mixed experience.

Write a letter to a friend who invited you to visit them in their country. Express your appreciation of the invitation Write the date of the visit Write about the things you want to do there

Many high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. So, companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Everyone should become vegetarian because they do not need to eat meat for a healthy diet. Agree or disagree?

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others belive that chikdren who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.